What these words mean to me:

Wholesome-spiritually /principle driven. (In my life, my principles are static-unchanged by my mood or reaction. Mine are those of a 12 Step Fellowship.)  When I am in alignment with my program principles, I am wholesome.

BadAss– Grit, courage and resolve. Strength of character.  When I walk head on, through what I think I cannot manage– with only my courage and faith, I feel BadAss.  When I resist the invitation to jump into the ring, I am a BadAss.  When I say, Sorry that won’t work out, without defense, I am BadAss.  When I revere my Good Orderly Direction more than my concern with another persons’s reaction, I AM A BADASS.

Accepting an uncomfortable truth, an unpleasant fact.  Accepting that there is nothing to be done about it and Just doing the next right thing.  Courage and Faith are the only reasons I have not reacted more to the behaviors and words of my family.

Courage– Facing pain and fear with faith in Good Orderly Direction.

Faith “a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” Brené Brown

Faith is the opposite of knowing.  I find that people who feeeeel that they knooooooow and are riiiiiiiight can be scary and impossible.  I can be that way at times.

GOD-Goocompass-tattood Orderly Direction-the principles and collective wisdom of my fellowship.  I have my tattoo of a compass to remind me that I have direction….a sweet reminder to avoid being derailed by the will or opinion of non-trusted others.

Grace-(purely spiritual) a circumstance which comes as a result of  Good Orderly Direction not from self-will or people-pleasing.  My usage of the word grace has nothing to do with posture, perfection, or poise.  In fact…..

Gratitude– makes you want to give to the world.  Being thankful or glad something happened is different from being grateful.  For me, gratitude manifests into wholesome giving, often to those who can do nothing for me, and requires no recognition.

Humility– the principle of yielding to a power greater than ourselves or any other single human.   When I do what is right and good (mostly contrary action/a 180 from what I naturally know to do)  according to my spiritual direction, I practice humility and together, my self esteem and faith grow. Humility makes no allowance for forcing people, places, or things to be different from how they are.  The only thing I get to “work on” is my thinking.  And even that, I cannot force.

More Confusing Relations (MCRs)-Those people who seem to be affected and untreated for mental illness and addiction.  In program, we call them our qualifiers.

Miracle– My miracles are those moments in which I am willing to see and believe and respond to things differently…or maybe I am not yet willing to see or believe differently but behave differently anyway, because I have faith that “My way doesn’t work” and there is a power greater than myself.  When I leave things to be as they are and stay out of the way, things will unfold better than I could’ve imagine or forced them to do.  Each of my miracles come on the heels of contrary action.  Sometimes when I am in so much fucken pain I think I cant take another moment, I can make myself laugh by mockingly reminding myself  “Oh, right, I am in the middle of my miracle”-the middle is a difficult place for me to be.

Years ago while falling into a puddly heap of tears, after sharing about my marriage, a woman hugged me and reminded me “Of course you are in pain, you are in the middle of your miracle”  I wanted to push her away and flip her off for saying that.  Years later, I enjoy saying it to myself and my friends when we are in those dark dark hallways.  I laugh when I say it always because it sounds like horse shit pollyanna religious-ish brush off.   “middle of your miracle” does make me laugh and breathe and remember  that  I have a program and principles and if I follow them closely through the hardest of circumstances, I am delivered to my miracle—the way things could never be if I kept on doing what I have always known and done.

Trusted Other-All people fall to one side or the other.  Do we engage with transparency and mutually invested openness and honesty in whichever way we are connecting…business, friendship, love?  Are we consistent and present in our dealings with each other?  Are we welcome to share our experiences and ideas with zero threat of reprisal?  Do we share a unity of purpose?  The only opinions to be considered when making life choices are those of whom I experience as trusted others.

I am grateful for all my new vocabulary….my unlearning

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

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