Happy? Birthday

giftHello Friends,  Last month, my Darling stumped me with “So…what do you want for your birthday?”.

In a tone suggesting, “Please don’t make me think about it.”, my knee-jerk response was “I don’t know”.

Asked by some, “What do you want for your birthday?”, I might say:  “Nothing, really”, name something they’d enjoy getting me, OR roll the dice and share the truth-and wind up with a “gift” indicative of not being heard or valued.

I set out to create a list of items that appealed to me at a core level.  I shared my list with Greg along with THE Rules (He welcomed both). Gifting Rules: “For any gifty occasion, please stick to the list. If on some random whim, you wish to buy me something expressive of who you are, feel free to save that for one of the 360+ days to express yourself in that way. Please do not use my birthday as an occasion to give in this familiar way. I find it upsetting”. Perhaps one day I will feel differently.  He was 100% un-phased, charmed in fact, by this and in total agreement about the nature of these occasions.

My wanting and feeling were equally unwelcome in both my family and marriage- treated as burdensome defects of character. With Greg, expression of individual and collective wanting, needing, and feeling strengthens our connection, rather than weakening it.  In this mutual and intentional vulnerability  we thrive and expand and do not call on each other to contract.

Thank you, Oh Sweet Man,  for wanting to know and celebrate me in ways that leave me feeling seen, heard, loved, celebrated.  These are the gifts of  life.   When I receive gifts– I also recieve a message.

 

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WBA@wholesomebadass.com

Author: Wholesome BadAss

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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3 Comments on "Happy? Birthday"

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Cheryl
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My husband and I have resort ed to providing a other a list-not totally restrictive, but to give the other an inkling of what we want. Then the giver can choose from the list and hopefully get what he/she really wants (like I can’t gpbuy it for myself). I find I’m a better reader of watching what he likes and picking a great gift, but him, not so much. I appreciate his desire to get me nice gifts that I’m pleased to receive. It beats the h*** out of hate days of my ex who one year (after I out… Read more »
Tundra Woman
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Yeah, nothing says “I love you, you sexy thang” ….like a waffle iron.

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