Not stoic enough to be silent or aloof,  I am practicing saying and doing nothing in response to underhanded invitations to enter into indirect conflict.  While I
now set boundaries for only myself, without arguing to be heard, my abstinence from standard entanglement is labelled abandonment—“cutting them off”  because that is how silence is used in my family.  I just say No.  Or Sorry that won’t work until it no longer makes sense to say it again.

So, I have mostly quieted my mouth, but my head still spins with all the things I wish to say or stop feeling and thinking. Silence with a trusted other is golden.

I enjoy beautiful and sustained periods of silence with my sweet Greg and would not mind more silent closeness with my sons and without the aid of their iPads. I love when we are all reading or drawing or whatever and we all just peacefully think our own thoughts but are not alone with them.

“In my program, we learn to “think” before we react to angry outbursts and accusations.  We learn the value of silence.

But silence can be more cutting than cruel words when it’s used to punish. Deliberately ignoring someone’s attempts to communicate is no better than engaging in a battle of words. Rage that is expressed non-verbally– is still rage. When I seek to hurt someone else with silence or any other weapon at my disposal, I always hurt myself.”   From Al-Anon’s Courage to Change p 360

Much Love,
Magda Gee

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Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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9 Comments on "Silence"

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There wasn’t any real physical abuse in my home growing up, but sometimes, I wish I wish my mother had just slugged me instead of giving me the silent treatment for days on end or laughing at me and my sensitive nature. Sounds awful, but I think it would’ve hurt less. Silence has been used in my family my entire life. My mother would be angry and refuse to talk about things or work it out. She would shun you, maybe make an occasional face or make sure you knew that what was happening (the silence) was all YOUR fault.… Read more »
My program tells me that God will do for me what I cannot do for myself. It has been so. Learning the difference between tranquil quiet and passive aggression came about because arguing started to make me physically sick. To preserve my heart rhythm, I had to withdraw from heated exchanges, which meant, for me, learning that I don’t have to defend myself. I can trust that my defense will come from a Higher Power in His way and in His time. I excuse myself from any conversation that is causing physical symptoms and I do come back at a… Read more »