What Is Love?


Driving through Compton, my boys, knowing just enough about the area,  questioned a billboard boasting,  “We love Compton” inside a giant red heart.  Baffled, they asked–  “Why would anyone love Compton?”  The organic opportunity to explore and share my thoughts on love in the moment was pretty sweet– that love is not just for people and things when they please us or make us feel good– That just means we enjoy them.  The billboard is communicating that there are people who care for Compton and are contributing to better living for the families of a  struggling community.  Laughing, I added- “While I always want what is best for you, you don’t always make me feel good, nor do I always enjoy you.  But, I do and always will love you.”


I of course love my children, dogs, my friends, and boyfriend, but that does not mean I am always kind to them.  I am human, a single mom, working full time and embroiled in painful family dynamics.  A good friend asked “Do you hate your family for what they are doing?”  I thought for a moment.  Do I love them?  Do I hate them?? I want the best for them.  I do not accept the way in which I am spoken to and about.  I am hurt by their behaviors and efforts at this time, in the same way I have been for most of my life.  I hate what they are doing.   I hate what is happening.  I do not hate them.

Researching and thinking a lot about love lately, for a definition that works for me, that feels authentic and sane.  I don’t love burritos but they are one of my favorite foods.  Just as I don’t hate Mayo but would do almost anything to avoid contact with it.

To me, love is kind, love is protective, nurturing, loyal and only wants the best for another.  I do hate cruelty, abuse, dishonesty, disloyalty, and unfairness.  People are not for hating.  It is not why we are here.  Love is always the answer.

Without GOD and self-love, I have nothing for others.   To me, LOVE is much more than showing up for celebrations and emergencies.  Life and love are what happen day in and day out.  I am learning to love and be loved in ways that feel right.   What is love? I will continue asking.  I hope you will share.


I know!  Wholesome Love is BadAss.


Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

4 Replies to “What Is Love?”

  1. This is such an interesting and grey topic for me and I amazing way to share about it. I used to feel unloved a lot and would lash out and blame others, only to realize years later that it was a inside job. What I blamed on others was a very deep seated feeling of unworthiness that I had developed and only I work of changing.
    I also used to live by the rules of if you loved me you would….., or if you loved me you wouldn’t….or you don’t love me because of your …behavior, actions, whatever.
    Now I see love is just as complex and grey as everything else. I love and adore, my daughters, husband, sisters, nieces, nephews …that is the easy action of love. How do you show up and love those who don’t support or care about you, yet the remain in your life…Marianne Williamson’s words do resonate with me: “What is not love, is a call for

    1. TG-
      Thank you for stopping by, for sharing your story, my story. Love is complex. And I have a thousand reasons I want to say it is not necessary to show up-for unloving and inconsiderate behavior. But I realize that is just one of the few perks of Total Estrangement and not a reality for those who experience some love of reward for showing up anyway. Hopefully as I progress deeper into recovery, I will be more able to shoulder that load. That is a big question. Marianne Williamson’s do words ring true, and yet I find I can only see the good in others when they are not actively diminishing my life or my values. “What is not love, is a call for love.” But how?? I hope you will come back and share more of your thoughts on love.


  2. Well, if they don’t care or support me, I don’t hang around and inflict myself on them.
    If my presence isn’t helping my absence won’t hurt.

    1. 100% “inflict myself on them”!!!
      The kicker is they hate how I am(or at least behave towards me as if they do) and are offended by how I respond to that, with distance and disengagement. That makes them feel rejected. Like they say they would do anything to “MAKE” me lighten, only more of anything they already do. How about some acceptance and patience and respect, consideration is all. It is a nightmare to try or to even ask why.

      Thank you for being here with me!
      Magda Gee

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