Musings

A New Day-New Strengths

Mary Karr— 100% Badass- courageously voicing what most dare not admit and rather not hear. Enjoying her narration of her memoir, Lit. Feeling giddy and motivated by her first, angry, tight lipped prayer: “Higher Power-where the fuck have you been?”…    “How dare I?  Finally,  showing up with machine gunfire on my ass. What business do I have praying and asking?  I am thin, white, employed, with insurance, HIV negative, with reasonably straight teeth”  hahahaha  I love you♥ Mary Karr!  Thank you for a much needed reminder of the gifts of recovery that are mine when I just show up and do the work, one next right thing at a time.  Raw. Magical. Healing. Truth.

For Today:  pray, hydrate, exercise, clean something(lots of choices, there).   Mindful cleaning is the best I can do to be meditative and silent-mentally still, opening my mind to let the universe in.

This morning, I prayed. “Please help me to feel better, to feel good about preserving my well being” Tonight before bed: “Thank you”.  Tomorrow I will do it again.   And the day after.

 

 

 

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

3 Comments on “A New Day-New Strengths

  1. Higher Powers, Gods, and prayers feel awkward and insincere. Sounds as if you have yourself a prayer that works. I think I might try Mary Karr’s version!

  2. Thank you, Serenity.
    I did it. Day 2 of prayer. Awkward, but good. My prayers are limited to help with my well being, not for outcomes or stuff about others. I wished I had a kind of God where it felt right to pray “for others” or to pray for things to be a certain way. I just pray to do my best with what I have. I guess it is more like a practice in humility, just being mindful that I have a lot to learn and I need help and must remain open to something better than what is and what has been, as I see it. Sometimes, I just need a change in perception. Other times, I need patience while I wait or work for acceptance of things I find to be utterly unacceptable and unchangeable.

    Big love!
    WBA

  3. Posting this as a reminder to myself:
    “If we willingly surrender ourselves to the spiritual discipline of the Twelve Steps, our lives can be transformed. W can become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we will never be perfect, continued spiritual progress can reveal to us our enormous potential. Many of us discover what our fellow members already know– that we are both worthy of love and loving. We learn to love others without losing ourselves and we accept love in return. Our sight, once clouded and distorted, can clear enough for us to perceive reality and recognize truth. Courage and fellowship replace fear. It becomes possible for us to risk failure and develop new previously hidden talents. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will offer hope to share with others. We begin to feel and know the vastness of our emotions, without being slaves to them. Our secrets no longer have to bind us in shame. As we gain the ability to forgive ourselves, our families, and the world, our choices expand. With dignity, we stand for ourselves, without standing against others. Serenity and peace will have new meaning as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with God’s ease, balance, and grace. No longer terrified, we discover that we are free to delight in life’s paradox, mystery and awe. We laugh more. Faith replaces fear and gratitude comes naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.”

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