Day 3 of praying morning and night—Prayyyyying like crazy for help to elevate my thinking and my faith and giving thanks for what is. So far– three progressively much better days! Fitness, Job Opps, Domestic Order, and QT with my bestie, all of which felt impossible while existing primarily to get through a day. Now, having the birthday/family/holiday season in the rearview for a while, I am breathing more deeply-breathing, something I forget to do.
While my boys grow and change almost as rapidly as my mother ages, she and I remain at our standard crossroads: Resolution v. NO Contact. I am available for either. I am wired differently from them. I missed out on the thing that would allow me to act as if –and to enjoy people whom treat(present tense) me unkindly and say(present tense) damaging things to me and about me collectively. This dynamic, I can neither accept nor change–a scenario unaddressed by my trusty Serenity prayer. I do accept my wiring, though I wished I had the pretending thing going for me. Would be so much easier.
The standing rebuttal is: “Well, we all hurt each other”. True. But my wounds are not healed by the vague accusations that I too have harmed you with something that has not been directly brought to my attention yet is widely known by others. Your wounds plus mine are compounded pain-EGGSHELLS. Where is the healing in that plan?
I strive spiritually toward healing. Pretending takes me away. I will forever remain available and willing for healing together….my spiritual door open. This is not about “FORGIVENESS”. It is about acknowledging our own contributions so we can work toward something better. Let us build some trust and connection. Click here to hear what my hero Brene Brown has to say on the anatomy of trust and connection.
Showing up with willingness and courage to do the hard work of healing is 100% the type of Wholesome Badass I mean to be. We heal together!Much Love,
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