Tonight, my sons and I saw the movie Sing, so wholesome and fun(ish)- the film, and going to the movies for the first time ever with my two boys. For several reasons, we do not frequent the movies. Even with extreme noise reduction earmuffs, it felt impossibly loud to me…and it was like a meat locker in the theatre. If not for my sons and our special event with snacks, I would’ve walked out and waited for the dvd. The seats were plush recliners and there were only 6 others in the theatre. Dreamy, right? Two of those six attendees were very active and distracting for someone like myself. I became so keenly focused on the difference between a problem and an unpleasant fact. I was cold–there was no solution, considering leaving was not an option–Unpleasant fact, must accept. It was too loud for me, unpleasant fact. The two active kids whose presence competed with the volume and chill of the theatre–difficult facts–Acceptance acceptance acceptance. Before program, I regarded anyone or anything vexing as a problem to be dealt with.
The concept of acceptance had been neither previously introduced nor naturally occurring to me. A feeling of vexation was a call to action to: Speak up. Enlighten. School. Shame. File a complaint. Start a petition. Shun. Slander. You name it. This is what I knew. I am beyond grateful for the tools of recovery. Knowing that some things(the fact of their existence) are meant for acceptance, while others require either action or patience to wait for knowledge of right and wholesome action. 10 years ago I would’ve complained about the temperature and volume, tried to demand a refund, and told those children’s parents all about themselves. No joke. And then I would have bragged about it and polled the people to see how right I was. It is as painful as it is amusing to recall and confess in this way. No faith. No God. No Grace. No Peace. Today, I possess each of those at my core. My spiritual striving makes me a better parent and person–apparently not a better daughter and sister, whatever. Motherhood and spirituality are the things for which I reserve absolute devotion.
Also, I am grateful for and dedicated to the humble and emotionally present and generous man who loves me completely. I have never been shown more kindness and love by anyone in all of my life. Ever! I feel proud that I am available for this, very unnatural and just plain foreign. After a little more than a year, I am getting the hang of being more loving and so well loved. The latter is the more difficult of the two. We DO love AND we own it when we fail to- usually because we are run down and have failed to meet our own most basic needs. Like Marianne W. says, “Anything that is not love, is a call for love”. I will close another day/night with my nightly prayer: Thank you, God.
Prayer and Acceptance are especially Badass!
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