While grubbing Greg’s tasty taco/nacho “NYE dinner” – for no good reason, I clicked an email notification from my mother, a generous re-offering that I “get over it and we can be a family”. I am over it, just intentionally unavailable for more. Why isn’t it, instead, my older sister’s task to stop saying and doing harmful and divisive things OR to just apologize for losing her shit AT me-so we can BE A FAMILY? Why ask why? Yawn. Why are you still on this topic? Let it go, M. Get back to Greg and your paper-plated tacos. Your mother and sister are not interested in what you feel or need. You need to start a new year , already. Wake me when something actually changes.
Inclined to recognize my mother’s familiar attempt to connect(air quotes) for the New Year, I crafted the following response “Thank you for thinking of me. Happy new year. ♥, M.” acknowledging her effort and remaining 100% authentic. I don’t ignore and I don’t pretend. Screw “feeling weird and non-included”! As my sister previously asserted, Amen!
Here is to a year of intentionally present-one day at a time- selflove, no denying – no pretending. Chewing on a Marianne Williamson statement: “What is not love, is a call for love”. I am itching to apply this truth in some magical fixing type way. For today, I will love and look after myself, my boys’ only mother. Self-love is magical-and fixing and BadAss. Totally wholesome.
My 2017 list is simple… Mentally, it feels more doable and satisfying for me to have practices rather than resolutions. Resolutions can be broken or fail. Practices, you can just do and feel good about. Maybe I lack resolve. Maybe I just need practice. I will practice Peace.
True Peace and benevolence are Wholesome Badass!
Happy New Year to all my fellow WBAs.
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