Love is Compromise–Not Submission

In our family, we have each been struggling with near constant unmet needs, and so we gathered around our lil table and are in agreement; we must work together- rather than begging, demanding, resenting, not having OUR WAY.  OUR family meeting allowed us to acknowledge our unique and often conflicting needs, commit openly to asking nicely for what we need,  and to accept no or “not right now” as an answer.   We also agree that compromising-doing a thing that is not our first personal priority is the right thing, at times…No need for secret contracts with cryptic and passive messaging systems.  We are committing to being honest, open and willing;  and being accountable to love.  This is how we will do love.

S1(age 10) needs lots of space to read and just be free from stimulus and engagement—and enjoys lengthy conversations about matters of his choosing on his terms and timing, usually when we are trying to transition in or out of the house or car.

S2(age 8.5) needs near constant engagement with big movements and sounds.

I need to work, clean, make food, have quiet time, exercise and play time.

S2 added our dogs’ needs to the list: Cooper needs to get food(always hungry) Golden needs to walk with Cooper (together of course) For S2, everything is better together! He is such a lover and connector, fun, happy, friendly, playful, totally present and unbothered by most things.

We made our list together and discussed what we will do to make it better for each and all of us. Because if we each work only toward getting what we want, we all lose- frustrated and resentful.  Here are the solutions we have each agreed to:

S2 will offer to play with S1 sometimes and say yes sometimes, even if it is not his first choice, at least once daily.  S1 will give S2 space when it is clear he is too uncomfortable to engage in a way that is fun.  I will say yes to Jiu Jitsu and games of catch more, even when I have not done all of what I feel I need to “get done”. We will work together to serve our furry family members.  S1 and S2 are now aware of the option to sometimes let me finish something before asking for the next thing.

This is almost like a fairy tale.  No?  Honest, Open, and Willing is so badass and wholesome.  I am grateful this is H.O.W. we get to do things in this family.  I will post our hand written, honey smeared document/constitution on our fridge to remind us HOW to do our parts.♥