You spot it, you got it….
I was thinking of how I am most irritated by subtle little behaviors in which I assume to know the motivation…so arrogant. And the flip side of that coin is that I am deeply touched by small gestures and behaviors that I assume to know the motivation. The truth of this is, if I recognize a behavior as having meaning, it is because it is familiar and I relate, whether it is good or bad. When I see the good in people, that is the good in me that I am connecting with. When I judge people, that is my judgment for my own attitudes and behaviors that need work.
My sister, who is desperate to be in charge of my destiny, is always pointing out whom she believes to be gay, needing a man, angry, needy, or overly sensitive. She illuminates these things as if she is a brilliant soothsayer and well above being possessing any of those dreadful things. I wonder if wearing all white every day and cringing at the idea of sex with your husband makes you feel as if you are a lady, full of grace. I love wearing black and having sex with my boyfriend!! what does that make me? Self-actualization is my only real goal and so far, my greatest achievement.
I notice with her, that anytime she is preparing for a night out or an event, she sends me pics asking if she looks like a weird desperate dyke….no joke. I finally just reduced it to WDD. Now I suspect her greatest need is to appear normal, not needing, and straight. I love rolling up to dinners in a cammo jacket with greasy pixie and no make up to announce I am rockin’ the WDD. Though I am straight, I would, just to be subversive, be thrilled to announce that I was an unashamed lesbian. Anyway, You spot it, you got it—Much Love,
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