No matter how much spiritual and emotional work I do, I am not able continue in this cycle and simultaneously work toward recovery. The only sane choice is self-preservation. My Good Orderly Direction tells me so. A third way would be nice. Based on patterns of behaviors and attitudes of my
abusers sister and mother, there is no reason to consider that a possibility. I no longer accept diminishing and divisive words and behaviors as things that I have earned. Nor will I be demanded to take responsibility for the behaviors of others. That would oppose my primary purpose. I will continue being mindful of my own words and behaviors and clean up, after myself, when I make a mess.
Coming from long lines of mental illness and untreated addiction, where every non-happy feeling is perceived as anger and responded to with anger, I picked up some unfortunate coping and operating styles. This wall of tools is the perfect metaphor for the tools for life before and now, with recovery. The left side needs little explanation.
The dustpan and brush, I need for for cleaning up little messes I make. Tape for repairing things that are fixable. Soft gloves, for handling of fragile or prickly things with care. A measuring tape and timer to help me give space and time between an incident and my response. Knee pads for the time I spend on my knees waiting and asking for guidance. A flashlight for times when it feels dark for me or a trusted other. A needle and thread for sewing back together those things which can be mended. Love is always the answer. Accepting my full range of emotions and developing healthy tools for coping are miracles of recovery. And not accepting shame shifting and continuing the cycle of abuse is wholesome and I think very badass. Maintaining a habit is much easier than breaking one- 100%
Recovery tools are wholesome and 100%badass. What are some of your metaphorical tools for life?Much Love,
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