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The Miracles of Recovery

  • I am grateful for another brilliant hour of basketball spent with Keyaun and Zekaya.  They are angels…wholesome badass mofos.  My boys get so much good energy from being with them and it is pure magic to observe the engagement.  I love them.  I found Keyaun at our local Y and loved his energy and offered to pay him to play with my boys.  Total Street Basketball.  It is magnificent.
  • I am grateful for a BJJ mom in recovery who I am connecting with.  Her son is in kids class, she is not in mine so we talk during their class and it is just so easy and I of course want to be BFFs always.  Maybe one day we will plan to do something or exchange phone numbers.
  • I am grateful for the nail in my tire that required that I leave my house today to have it repaired.
  • I am grateful that I was foolish and courageous enough to email my mother asking if an honest conversation between us was a possibility?  I either get a yes or I get the chance to tell my children how I responded to her telling them how she wants to see me but does not match her actions to her words which I find painfully confusing.  All I can do is try.  I match my actions to my words and I respond and I choose others who do the same.  That is how I know who is safe for me.   In 22 minutes, I will drive to visit the woman who gave me life- and for nearly 50 years left me wishing for death or any sort of release from THIS. It is still unclear to me who thought less of me.  Her or me?  Things have gotten progressively worse between us as I recover from life in her family. She is 85 fighting cancer and probably not apt to change.  I won’t tolerate abuse.  Apparently my definition of abuse is the problem.  But I will show up and see what is possible.  I am angry that my sister dropped her selfish righteous bomb and left us to clean up unnecessary and extensive damage.  What makes me angriest is that my boys foot the bill.  I am not sure I can forgive, though forgiveness is not being requested.  So, no worries there.
Much Love,
Magda Gee

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Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.