The Day You Were Born

Birthday sentiments to my female sibling who believes that being grossed out by sex is the same as being a lady. And who speaks of being phobed about by lesbians(a-hem) and worries constantly that she looks like one. I found the perfect card for you. Also, Thank you for getting born.  If not for you, and wanting you to love 💖me so badly, I would never have married someone just like you💀🖤And I would not have my two sons.  

So, Thank you.🙏🏼💖👊🏾 And if not for my divorce from him and the lessons that came from trying to do the impossible, I would still be battling you in the ways that affirm you.  I would be screaming still and making things worse by engaging you directly and saying things I no longer will allow myself to say—to anyone.
This is the best I can do today. My grades for wholesome and badass seem to be slipping. 🆘💯 For the record, I repeat, Wholesome Badass is what I work towards…not a claim to anything more.

I definitely did not do any rising above or spiritual elevation with this post. But, it is what it is. I am showing my anger, which my closest friends insist is giving THEM what they want. Hooray for them if that is true.  For today, I needed to be in the ring being assholey with them. Just for today. Thank you for chiming in with comments here and on IG. For making me feel un-erased and un-awful.  Also, I feel compelled to openly and unashamedly express anger…because in my family, everyone claims outrage over things, but no ownership of other feelings which are judged as “non positive/non-easy” feelings, like anger, despair, plain old sadness or hurt feelings-so careful navigation around the eggshells is a requirement.  And– when a person, does openly above board express difficult feelings, they are CALLED OUT, as if defective and then dismissed.  I am claiming my right to have and express feelings…perhaps in non most productive way.  But I feel no shame today.  Yes.  I am angry.  I am sad.  I don’t like what they are doing- and how it harms MY family.  I will not pretend otherwise, but I will grow and move in a better direction for myself and my boys.  Watch out, they have feelings too and I am teaching them to name and claim and tame them but not to hide or stay close to those who require that.  For my mother on this glorious day–thank you again for not only giving birth to Jilan Ghoneim but also for “wishing me well”.  I really cannot wait to experience that….maybe for my birthday???

My healing is a journey, not an event—WBA

 

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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8 Comments on "The Day You Were Born"

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APple Girl
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M- To be fair, this is a slightly elevated version of your IG post. You are owning it without claiming to be right about it. Coming from a family that does not share “difficult” feelings in ways that are safe and appropriate, it is a miracle that you have said your things in only this way. It could be worse!! You are right, healing a process, not an event. Only you know which path to choose for yourself. Owning your feelings is a good path, being honest about your intentions is wholesome even of there is unkindness in them. So,… Read more »
Janet
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I don’t know how anyone could be more open than you – it is a magnificent path to healing. Allowing the unwholesome feelings to show themselves but not to own you – shows complete confidence in yourself + HP. My next-in-line sibling is a man of sorts now, but he was the worst brother I can imagine, other than my son, who turned out to be a great son until he was in his 40s and I found out that he had sexually abused his sister. What I have to say about that is that he ruined a person who… Read more »
G..
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It’s Ok to feel angry 😡
And to express anger when called for. All part of acknowledging and owning your feelings. If you don’t let it out in some form it can consume you. Pretending to not be angered is Their game, and not wholesome

Tundra Woman
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Wait one-WTF? “Tone it down a little…” Look, I have no problem with differing POV. But here’s where I DO have a problem: When you come to someone’s Blog, you have come to sit in their cyber living room. Would you take a dump on their carpet and then pretend that brown mess of stinky stuff that everyone saw eminate from you ass really didn’t? That it isn’t “that bad” in any event? You can guild a turd, but it’s still shit: Shiny, happy shit but shit nonetheless. The Blogger presents their rope of solid evidence. Oh but, look! No,… Read more »
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