The Difference Is….

I think the most wholesome thing I do for my children is teaching and allowing them to experience and process their feelings, and to acknowledge that while feelings are not universal truths, they are real and not to be debated.  Trusted others do not debate the validity of your emotions or ask you to defend or deny them.  We have a lot of feelings in our home.  Feelings, playing, honesty, boundaries, and healing are messy.  We do the mess!

So, we have the turmoil and tension from the coupling of my sister and my ex and his sister.  And we acknowledge and discuss the ways that presents hardship for us, as a family.  There is no pretending that the unkindness is acceptable, normal  or imagined.  We do not believe that this tension is healthy or a sign of unworthiness or personal failure.  I am proud(yes, proud) that my recovery allows me to do this for them, with hopes that it may be easier for them to discover the gifts of who they are.  When consumed by fear and shame and uncertainty, it is easy to lose your way.  They may still get lost for 1000 other reasons, but it will not be because they have been required by me to pretend to feel, be, or think as if they are someone other than themselves.  How could I love them if I could not know them?  And how could I know them if I did not allow them to be who they are.  Miracles are happening.  The difference in the type of parent I would have been and the type of parent I am– are nothing short of miraculous.  I am far from perfect, but I am damn good to my sons.

Raising mindful children with the value and freedom to be authentic and to seek and treasure others who share that– is wholesome and badass and makes my heart smile.  Squee!  We are not perfect, we make mistakes and hurt and disappoint each other.  We apologize, amend, and comfort.  We ask, we listen, we laugh, heal, and learn to live–truly together, not just under the same roof.  When we eat together, it is not just people at one table, we are all in.  We are each 100% who we are at the table and in our lives together.  If you cannot do it with family, dear gawd, with whom are you supposed to do it?  We do not just live together or share meals and responsibilities.  We belong together.  We are family.  There is a difference.  I love my recovery and MY family!  And you!

Magda Gee