Then You Win

To me, winning means I get to discover and choose to be my best me.  I get to strive spiritually every day, to live in ways that are right for my family(loyalty family, not blood relations) and unharmful to others, though perhaps unpopular.  In my family of origin, they do not make the distinction between being unpopular and behaving in ways that are harmful.  They retaliate at anything displeasing/irreverent to them, with action and words that diminish and degrade.

My winning means, I do not fight.  I do not submit.  I just live and speak my truth- accept the unpopularity of my boundaries and choices and the consequences imposed by a FOO, feeling righteously in charge.  Winning means letting people be, without attacking, pretending, playing small or being silent.  Winning means speaking up in ways that are true and necessary for myself and others who may not yet have the courage.  Courage is winning.  I do not win against anyone.  I win against the urge to engage in ways that are unwholesome.

Modeling newly learned recovery principles and authenticity for my boys is WINNING.  Winning has nothing to do with them.  I fight old urges, the ways of my upbringing, and historical reactions to insane behavior that feels to me, like abuse.

I win by not engaging.  I win by letting natural consequences speak for themselves as well as those imposed on me.  Sometimes winning is just not giving AF and other times it is totally giving AF and surrendering to God and not THEM or the damage they knowingly do.

What does winning look and feel like to you?

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part– to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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3 Comments on "Then You Win"

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JayyyyyJay
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Darling Magda, Winning, for me, is the hard-won ability to see all of life as not needing a fight to be worth something. Winning is walking by the river and not arguing about anything with my daughter. Winning is opening my arms and saying, “Come on, Bernie,” and having my sometimes-shy old dog hurry as well as he can to get his biiiig hug and lots of sweet talk. Winning, to me, is getting a compliment, deserved or undeserved, and not thinking even for a moment whether I deserved it. Winning is not thinking of the alternative – just accepting… Read more »
JayyyyyJay
Guest
Darling Magda, Winning, for me, is the hard-won ability to see all of life as not needing a fight to be worth something. Winning is walking by the river and not arguing about anything with my daughter. Winning is opening my arms and saying, “Come on, Bernie,” and having my sometimes-shy old dog hurry as well as he can to get his biiiig hug and lots of sweet talk. Winning, to me, is getting a compliment, deserved or undeserved, and not thinking even for a moment whether I deserved it. Winning is not thinking of the alternative – just accepting…… Read more »
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