Triangulation-How It Works

Triangulation can occur in any relationship, but it is very common in a relationship with a narcissist. It may happen at home, at work, with friends, or within in family of origin. He may pit you against another woman, several other women, his mother, his friends, or any other person he can get to engage in his “victim-playing” who is willing to serve the role he assigns. He may also adopt the role of Persecutor to assign blame or Rescuer to maintain control of his image. In the end, this travel around the triangle is how he dumps shame and finds someone to blame for his misery. If there is always a role to play, there is always a way to escape responsibility by shifting the position on the triangle.

The answer to the exhaustive push and pull of a triangulated dynamic in a relationship with a narcissist is to simply step off the triangle and refuse to play. It’s a game you cannot win.

Control by Triangulation
If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, any third party to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate victim. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he always dumps, his props, unceremoniously when the job is done.
Another form of control by triangulation is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment Narcissist's Prayerand humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, social exclusion and shame) against the victim. In this instance, society becomes the instrument of the abuser .By clever seduction, through words and posturing, he entices his pawns to do his dirty work for him. Unaware, they exclude his victim, being persuaded by his rendition of truth, they take up his cause and his right and align themselves against the one he controls.

The malignant narcissist creates perpetual triangles around the one he desires to control. He sees through these eyes, eyes with no empathy, that perpetuates constant, residual torment, for his partner. Claiming that he is being tormented by his victim, he creates rescuers who then torment his victim, thinking they are protecting him from the “bully”. Doing this through his friendships, family members, associates and whoever he can entice; he remotely views his operation, like a director of a movie. In other words, he will frame a picture and put his secondary supply in that frame,the borders always being the shape of a triangle and the picture within, being a distorted truth he propagates. Usually, the claims he makes of his victim are the truth of himself and while hiding behind his victim, he will spin doctor and gaslight until he gets his desired result. Defamation of character and destroying the credibility of the one he victimizes is his goal. He convinces his pawns that his victim is the persecutor and he is the victim. The naked eye cannot see this game of illusions and that is why he engages others into his web. They do for him what he orchestrates in secret.

All I can say is wow.  I copied this entire post from Sea of Glass on FB You can click anywhere on the post to go directly to her site.  Every word is relevant to my current experience with my sister and my ex and I could not say it better.  None of the above words are my own, although they clearly define my experience to a tee.  If you see it happening, do not be a bystander.  This makes people want to die….Seriously devastating.  

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass.

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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4 Comments on "Triangulation-How It Works"

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Magda Gee,
Do you worry that you make yourself look less stable or more of a troublemaker by posting? I worry for you.

And, I think you are helping others. This is a delicate matter and to be honest, this is how the bulk of power in our culture is configured. It is mainstream. And to that end, you are being subversive.

Warrior on with my blessing.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Is this ever what my second AH did, was, the game he played. You are right. This is devastating, it does make people want to die (or kill or run away). In our case, he was so clever about this, I was so young, a 22-year-old divorcee. How well I remember the oft-heard statement from his friends, my friends, various family members: “You’re so lucky. He’s the nicest (brightest, most caring, interesting, generous) man I’ve ever met, and anyone can see he adores you.” Crazy-making, when you know he seldom comes home for dinner, constantly breaks promises,… Read more »