Our attitudes are usually conveyed to other people by what we say and do–and how, if the attitudes really reflect what we feel. Gentle actions and soft, courteous words may only counterfeit our true feelings. We may even think we have overcome resentment, self-righteousness and self-pity, but if they are still there inside us, they will in some mysterious way emanate from us and deny what we try to convey by our play-acting.
“How can he tell?” asks a confused wife. “I never raise my voice, never argue, try to do what he expects, and yet he’s always challenging me!”Today’s ReminderMerely to change my behaviour, and what I say and do, does not prove a change of inward attitude. I am deceiving myself if I imagine I can completely disguise my real feelings. They will somehow come through, and prolong the hostility in my family. I must root out entirely the troublesome emotions I’ve been trying to hide
Today’s reading is a much needed affirmation and reminder of what matters to me. This is not a personal choice, rather genuine acceptance that I am an utter failure at sustained play acting, and no longer available for the fall out of play-
acting. Dying inside- tryyyying to do and be what is required in order to sustain (the illusion of) inclusion and avoid banishment is no longer conceivable. I see now, that my not knowing how to negotiate the terms of the Eternal Minimizer, I reacted by assuming an opposing role– maximizing the attention to be given to the “thing”, desperate to not be minimized and diminished. Those intense reactions and efforts led me to feel and become labelled insane. While the minimizer gains traction from their calm appearance, the one being systematically minimized will lose their mind,literally, and then be readily dismissed as dramatic and crazy- deserving of abuse/silencing. My recovery requires allowing them to minimize, while letting go of efforts to force them to see or behave differently. Minimizing is not for me. It is red flag behavior. While I cannot change it, you know what I can do? I can minimize my exposure. MY healing requires more than an intellectual commitment to do so. Emotional Honesty is hard work and totally wholesome. It is too much for some. For those people are quick to assert that the
insane upset one is the historical revisionist-and a scapegoat/black sheep is born. Gas lighting is the technique used to make a person question reality and themselves. I can not say for certain what “really” happened in the past, only my experience of “what happened”–
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