I recently began (binge(ofcourse)) watching Mad Men after having attempted before but never fully getting into it. In true addict fashion, I went from zero interest to obsession. I admittedly do many things in this way, though I do not feel addicted to anything other than carbs. I am aware of my all-or-nothing way of attending to things. Shopping, eating, drinking, blogging, crafting, sex, TV, AND NEVER house cleaning or exercise…Ha! I can officially identify two ways in which I may certainly claim likeness to Brene Brown: my pupu platter of addictive behaviors and the addiction to carbs.
Oh, so back to Mad Men: I think I may be more clearly understanding how and why my grandmother, mother , and sister are as they are– The white knuckling insistence that everything must be fine and perfect OR else! I shared this insight with my spiritually elevated neighbor, who asked me if I might now find some compassion for each of them—for how terrified they are, every minute of every day. I am struggling with that question and my gut response to being called to dig so deep. I feel lacking in the bandwidth required to recover from and unlearn my entire childhood and feel anything unscary for those who collectively and individually decided it was ok to be unkind to me–and to now involve my ex husband and my children. It is not wholesome. I get that hurt people hurt people—until they fucken decide to stop.
For now, the best I can do is to seek a willingness to feel more than judgement for them AND an overwhelming urge to protect (or at least educate) my children from that dark, controlling, menacing AF Betty Draper energy. We never pretend it is normal or healthy to get too close to those who feel right in diminishing others. Ever.
I have mad compassion for all the little Sally Drapers out there who were and are punished and banished arbitrarily. I was a lil tiny Sally Draper, Truth Seeker, just tyrnuh figure out how to be in the world–with a mother whom I did not readily suit or please….and with a grandmother and sister eagerly serving as enforcers of whatever TF it is called that
was is being upheld.
Peggy Olson is my spirit animal. She is wholesome badass 360. Heroic and humble. Strong and vulnerable. Kind, honest, and direct. Pure hearted! Truth Speaker! Who knew this series would be so enlightening? I can see how my Sally/Peggy needs interfered with people of Betty Draper Mindset. I do not know what that is called….though it seems to resemble descriptions of narcissism and alcoholism. Apparently narcissistic triangulation is a thing if you google it, there is much about it. Maybe you relate.
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