If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn what envy is.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement, they learn to be confident.
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world.
If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous.
If children live with honesty & fairness, they learn what truth & justice are.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves & in those
If children live with friendliness, they learn that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If children live with serenity, they learn to have peace of mind.
With what are your children living?”
-author unknown (Feel free to share source if you know)
You know what else I learned…though My FOO would insist I invented it, as the youngest of all children in the entire family…Oh Ok. Venomous Assault – a skill I mastered at a very early age. I had many teachers and models. But it was always done with laughter and sophisticated language…so it was considered clever or funny when delivered without emotion. What I never learned was to be unemotional. I feel deeply. I cry easily. I excite easily. These are not defects. I am not sorry. Being a caustic asshole is defective behavior and I am unlearning that behavior one precious day at a time. I am deeply sorry for damaging things I have said and done without knowing better, to anyone at anytime. Even when I don’t like you, I do not wish you ill. Spiritual striving, healthier behaviors, and boundaries have divided me undeniably from a family culture that requires a tolerance for living and learning things I find offensive to my soul. It is not for me. It is too painful. I learned to choose people who could diminish me ways that were funny, clever, or casual, barely perceptible to an observer. I thought that was love because– that is what I lived and learned and– so brought out into the world with me, until I learned there are better ways. As a parent and an adult, I learning nurturing love and kindness…YOu know what??? When you don’t know what wholesome love is, you also do not now what is not wholesome love. AND When once know better(for those willing to learn and expand and transcend), we do better. Doing better is wholesome and badass: not doing better than another person, BUT–doing better than we did yesterday. One day at a time, I am making better mistakes and amending where I have done harm. My mind is open and my heart is healing.
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