This reminded me of Christmas Dinner 3 years ago while angsting over my contribution of a salad for the evening meal; worried that the dressing was not turning out. My niece said to me, in a genuinely curious and unthreatening way; “Since when do you care what people think?” This confirmed my sense of my sister’s front-loading her daughters with her story of who I am. So… it was a fair question. I laughed and said nothing because my response would have been too lecture like. What I wanted to say: “Annie, I obviously would like if everyone appreciated what I do and choose, and NOT allowing other people’s opinions to direct me, is in no way the same as not caring. I have a Higher Power to guide me–and it is not other humans’ opinions or ideas. Not needing to impress others is not the same as not caring. And, I love you and no matter what is said to you, I know you will always know this.” My sister insured the end of connection with her daughters and used who knows what to justify it. But she tells herself and the FOO, it is all for the family—which I am welcome to join at any time.
Hustle Align meme also left me needing to reflect and understand my position on social climbing and spiritual striving. Very different paths and directions. Different Choices. The need to “appear” agreeable is not something I value, even a little. Some people think I #dgaf but I do. I give lots of fucks about seeking serenity, improving myself, raising children with healthy senses of connection and #belonging I give fucks about my performance at work, not because I need to impress, but because doing better today than yesterday feels amazing. What others think is never my reason for doing or not doing a thing.
I differ from my family because I do not engage in weird flattering comments or offering gifts publicly to make a statement. I don’t so much reject that way of being as I just don’t choose it. I express genuine gratitude, appreciation, and admiration freely and easily. I buy gifts when I see items which a person has shared that they would like–and I give them just because, And then sometimes have nothing material to present on the day of the calendar in which a gift is expected. Maybe even, I am not able to physically attend the event. But those are not a statements of my love or lack of. Love is 24/7. Also, I suck at wrapping gifts but I am a terrific gifter all of the days of the year to people whom I feel a gifted connection. So, while the GIFT may be wrapped poorly or not at all and not presented on the specified day of the year, you will love that shit and remember how much I notice and appreciate you each time you use or see your “gift” from me.
Gifts aimed at impressing or mending feel icky to me. In my life today, gifts are things we do or get for each other that say: “I see you. I hear you. I know you. I love you. As you wish.” Anything else is a gesture and a statement for sure–but not necessarily a gift.
We all choose how,why, what, and when we give. Some forms of “giving” are more wholesome and generous than others. Giving people what they need is badass love. Giving them what you want them to have is more assy than badass. Just saaayin, IMHO.
I give great gifts and lots of fucks for reasons and occasions that feel true to me.Much Love,
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