Acceptance, dirty secrets, disloyalty, Faith, home design- home wrecker, how is it going with your sisters ex, J Catherine ghoneim Whitney, mental health issues, Self-Love, Trauma

I am sorry that…

You never apologized for hurting me but I apologized 12 times for how I handled that pain. That is how I was raised…apologizing for causing other people’s unfortunate behaviors, because I made them act badly, and then apologizing for (reacting)handling myself poorly. Fuck that. I am not sorry for not knowing how to be a better abuse getter. I am sorry only that it took me until age 40 to recognize what is and is not abusive, what is and is not loving and what is and is not my responsibility. I am sorry for the wreckage of not knowing what I did not know about healthy connections and behaviors. I am beyond grateful to get to #breakthecycle Equally grateful that my sister OPENLY and repeatedly said and did the most undeniably hateful and divisive things to me(MY family) —-so that it could finally be illuminated what life as her younger sister has been like. She cooked her own goose and recovery taught me to step back and watch…to keep safe and not own what is not mine and to refuse to deny what is. I finally know what to do when people are abusive. And I know that fighting fire with fire just makes more fire. #NOCONTACT hurts much less than the constant burn of that dynamic. My sister would figuratively set me on fire 🔥while my mother would nod approvingly and enjoy the warmth.

PS–anytime a person fauxpologizes to you with a statement beginning like this:  “I am sorry that you feel….”  Walk TF away.

Genuine apologies and amends are the most wholesome, humble, badass things a person can do.    It is too much for some, though.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass.

Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

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