Is it unreasonable to wish for a mother who would not contribute to or support initiatives that are guaranteed to escalate tension between her grandsons’ parents? IS IT? I knew my ex and sister had been communicating last week and awaited the fallout. And it unfolded, as predicted. He did something shitty that cost me money and time and then pretended to be mad at me? He cannot in good conscience align with her and then also act right with me. She— has no conscience and I expect nothing more or less from her. Sadly, I still cling to some fantasy that she might make an effort toward family closeness she claims to desire. Total horse-shit, they don’t want closeness, they want compliance and reverence. Healing takes work, while dominance and entitlement are par for the course.
I would like to enjoy Mothers Day with my sons and chances are good, like all other “special days”, I will struggle more than usual. A shame for them to be raised a mother in despair. Loving, often present, compassionate and always empathetic and willing to listen, while mostly joyless. I think the joy-center in my brain was crushed at birth. I do laugh and enjoy, but, honestly, there may never come a day where I do not feel mentally whipped from so many years of betrayal. The unnecessary addition of hostility/ tension in co-parenting as a result of their triangulation with him just sucks. You know how when you are bout to screw some one over, you behave as if you are mad at them. Cuz, how else do you justify? It is that –constantly. I am so done with people screwer overERs. There is no justification. I don’t even care if you are legit mad. Screwing people over is something I no longer can tolerate by those over the age of 14 or not heavily addicted to drugs or mentally ill. Technically, those are the only people who only do regular mental fuckery and enjoy it and then deny it or find a way to shift blame for their own hurtful choices. Grrr
Mothers Day Schmothers DayMuch Love,
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