The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses

I cannot help but marvel at how “they” manufacture chaos and trouble so they can dole out punishment, while denying their anger.  A part of my mind says don’t speak or write about it, they will like that—making them feel all important and impactful.  The other part of me says “fuck them, I want the world to know what twisted assholes they can be”. And the recovery part of me says “Write about it if it helps you to sift and heal.  Share it to help others on a similar journey”. Continue reading “The Zero-Sum Game–Everyone Loses”

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Every Time I Judge

I used to have immense shame over how I struggled and how I felt, like I was embarrassed for my feelings.  WTF? Difficult feelings were for judging not having or coping with.  And I fruitlessly sought approval from the most emotionally vacant and disapproving. And, I too learned to become disapproving of myself and others, particularly those in struggle, having needs or ideas different from my own, so basically everybody.

We judge when we are afraid.  It is easier to look, point and judge than to look inward and ask, why does that make me so uncomfortable?  By judging and disliking someone, is that proof of their badness and unlikability?  No, it is evidence of an inability to be compassionate and loving.  Behaviors can be bad.  Choices can be bad.  But people are not bad.  Even assholes are just people who cannot yet see the changes they are being called to make.  Is using the word asshole, a sign of judgment?  Probably so.  I am a work in progress.

I do believe that some people are inherently broken and dark hearted and knowingly do harmful things in order to get ahead or to be right and lacking in the ability or will to self reflect and elevate their spiritual presence.  I don’t judge them.  I just give them a lot of space and send them light and love from over here, when I am feeling humble and generous. hahaha.  Again, a work in progress.  The struggle is real.  Assholes are real.  Feelings are real.  Recovery is real—#odaat

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Recovery Celebrations

I was alllwaaaays melting down-losing my shit. I had not learned healthy coping skills. For my first 40 years, secondary feelings about my feelings kicked my ass.  In our home feelings were for losers, and for judging. —I felt shitty because life was painful and experiencing pain, duress, and discontent was treated harshly-
generally shamed, punished, gossiped about, and banished.  I was sad about feeling sad and scared I might get scared and tense about getting tense and fully ashamed of it all.  Being name-called and demanded to lighten up OR snap out of it never seemed to do the trick.  Now, I allow myself to have feelings without worrying about having them, and the difficult ones are shorter in duration.

Recovery helps me to unlearn the myths of shame and unworthiness and fear of feelings, and the price for having them–disconnection (from those whom I was never authentically connected, anyway).  Now I am mostly only afraid of being placed in proximity to those who righteously attempt to punish, judge, and challenge my emotional experiences.  When given the choice, I only #gowherethelove is.  Life feels more manageable and even enjoyable this way.  Byeeeeee!

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/