Surprisingly, it was a very good day. I forced myself to go sweat it out in the yard, pruning, mowing, weeding. I always feel better when I do something that elevates the overall quality of life. The daily and repetitive tasks offer no satisfaction, only the threat of greater stress if not addressed. My yard now looks more respectable and I respect myself more, for having managed to do something I didn’t feeeeel like doing. The truth is, I do not feeeeel like doing most things, this is part of depression, avoiding life.
Then, Sweet Greg arrived and together
we he hung a picture, but only after he made an unforgivably large hole in my bedroom wall, which disturbed him greatly, and made him lose his shit a little. He is adorable this way. I thought it was funny and I love working together with him, feeling how much it matters to him, that he do things nicely for me. He swears the GIANT hole is my fault, for making him hang the picture. But that piece of shit art has been sitting on my floor waiting to be hung since December and see, I needed to pack the boys for camp and felt that I could not begin– until that thing got hung. Make sense? To him, it did not make sense at all, but he went along. And we made a fun memory, not just a hole large enough to plug with your finger. But whaev, the picture covers it. And now we get to enjoy the project of patching and painting another day. And camp packing is 81% complete..so there.
This reminded me how much I crave and respect genuine unity, a mutually shared cause or purpose. For me, it is at the root of connection. I realized that I cannot recall the last time my boys and I worked together for a common purpose and that we would benefit from some unification. Cuz–connection. It also reminds me of– that as long as I was showing up to care for and support my mother, we were able to sustain connection….and as soon as she was well and my service was no longer needed, we fell apart. I will always have the memory and pleasure of knowing I showed up 100% and served with a glad heart.
So, back to the beautiful day. After giant hole making and partial packing, Greg and I agreed that we were too tired to socialize and celebrate. And then we decided that showing up to great people who love and want us, is a beautiful and important thing to do. We enjoyed an evening with my best friend and all of her peeps. It was a sweet night of yummy food in abundance and easy connection. Nobody was forcing or trying too hard, people were just together as themselves, for as long as they liked. Depression and apathy could have easily robbed me of this night. We not only made a great memory, but this reminded me of so many other laughs and memories with MA and her family, who are always there for us and with us-never treating us as extra.
It was a beautiful 4th of July. Very grateful for wholesome badass people in my life teaching my boys and I the TRUTH about love, belonging, connection.Much Love,
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