When people attempt to set boundaries with you, it's their attempt to continue the relationship, not an attempt to hurt you.

Deselection

Sweet Greg is here, recovering from brutal wisdom tooth extraction while I battle my obsessive thinking alongside current heinous withdrawal from Xyzal. What a nightmare. Who knew? Greg should be fine within the week, thanks to my excellent care. Ha! But seriously—poor me. I have read reported symptoms for withdrawal from this OTC allergy medicine can persist for months while recovery from my life before recovery– seems never-ending. Today, I am grateful to be enjoying quiet, healing time with Greg- and while trolling IG, to have found this nugget from @janetheclapp

When someone behaves in a way that makes us feel unsafe, behaves violently, betrays sacred trust, chronically disrespects us, is all talk and no follow through, or harms us, in any way– THEY have actually DESELECTED themselves. They have actively chosen behaviour that has lead to the current state of affairs. In choosing to have less contact or even no contact, we are simply responding to behaviour instead of being the person to truly instigate the end result. 

The best, it seems, I can expect, with regards to certain others, is my own adherence to very clear and consistent healthy boundaries around my time, energy, and availability. This is not mean or unforgiving–not equivalent but sometimes equated to holding a grudge. Certain people will perceive a clear and direct boundary as punitive. Fortunately, other peoples’s perceptions are not my responsibility.

After reading the Sunday Self Care post by JaneTheClapp, I now can identify what transpired between my sister and my ex-husband, as an absolute and shared lack of loyalty to the sacred—our children. Whatever they tell themselves and others to justify the damage, is something I may never know– and in fact fails to matter…but I do still wonder. I also wonder what gives them more peace, telling themselves they banished me or telling themselves I opted out of family. Again, it does not matter, but I wonder.

I can envision only one conversation with them, one in which their focus would be only the insistence of their own honorable intent plus all the ways I was asking for it. I must get on with this day and envision more wholesome things. The past week left me doubting some things I know to be true. I needed to sift out my truths, here, in order that I may enter into a new week and not a continuation of all of the weeks that came before.

Luhyuh!

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Repair or Repeat

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I did not experience a childhood rooted in kindness and helpfulness. And for those who might argue that I did, I suspect they think that to be kind and helpful, you must please or at least seek to please those who claim to be in charge. Recovery allows me to provide a different environment and example for my children and yet I notice how quick they are to retaliate against displeasure or irritation. Is this a naturally immature behavior that some people never outgrow or is it a learned behavior that must be tamed. Either way, I find it concerning, especially for my hsp child who is easily overwhelmed and disturbed by sensory stimulus which diminishes his tolerance for emotional stress and makes him more likely to snap when he cannot escape. We continue to discuss safe ways and times to remove ourselves and accept that sometimes it is not possible and in those times —we must work hard to practice acceptance for the things we can neither escape nor change. So hard! Recovery has taught me to recognize and honor truths and parts of myself that were inconvenient and difficult to understand for the naturally insensitive. I now love being alone and having space. But because banishment and silent treatment were commonly used in response to displeasure, I was afraid to be alone because it meant that not only did everyone hate me but everyone could visibly observe how hated I was, rightfully so, of course. If only I had been more pleasing. #hsp #punishment #reactions #retalliation #bully #repairorrepeat

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Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Feeling Empowered

Today, I cannot help but marvel at how I was raised to believe that the words, opinions, moods, and behaviors of others should make me doubt and dislike myself.

I recall being told repeatedly “Nobody will ever love you more than you love yourself”. Well shit, nobody could’ve loved me less. That is for sure. Better late than never, recovery is helping me unlearn self-loathing. It is not possible to hate yourself and behave genuinely with kindness and goodness. It is was not possible to learn to love or respect myself in the “care” of those who demanded I disappear or be different, OR else. Thank goodness change is possible for those of us willing–who either change because we see the light or feel the fire. For me the fire brought the pain and the light. I hope you find yours.

So grateful for the unlearning and reparenting made possible though my program of recovery. That is no way to live. Happy Independence Day! Blessed.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram- wholesomebadass https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/