When people attempt to set boundaries with you, it's their attempt to continue the relationship, not an attempt to hurt you.

Deselection

Sweet Greg is here, recovering from brutal wisdom tooth extraction while I battle my obsessive thinking alongside current heinous withdrawal from Xyzal. What a nightmare. Who knew? Greg should be fine within the week, thanks to my excellent care. Ha! But seriously—poor me. I have read reported symptoms for withdrawal from this OTC allergy medicine can persist for months while recovery from my life before recovery– seems never-ending. Today, I am grateful to be enjoying quiet, healing time with Greg- and while trolling IG, to have found this nugget from @janetheclapp

When someone behaves in a way that makes us feel unsafe, behaves violently, betrays sacred trust, chronically disrespects us, is all talk and no follow through, or harms us, in any way– THEY have actually DESELECTED themselves. They have actively chosen behaviour that has lead to the current state of affairs. In choosing to have less contact or even no contact, we are simply responding to behaviour instead of being the person to truly instigate the end result. 

The best, it seems, I can expect, with regards to certain others, is my own adherence to very clear and consistent healthy boundaries around my time, energy, and availability. This is not mean or unforgiving–not equivalent but sometimes equated to holding a grudge. Certain people will perceive a clear and direct boundary as punitive. Fortunately, other peoples’s perceptions are not my responsibility.

After reading the Sunday Self Care post by JaneTheClapp, I now can identify what transpired between my sister and my ex-husband, as an absolute and shared lack of loyalty to the sacred—our children. Whatever they tell themselves and others to justify the damage, is something I may never know– and in fact fails to matter…but I do still wonder. I also wonder what gives them more peace, telling themselves they banished me or telling themselves I opted out of family. Again, it does not matter, but I wonder.

I can envision only one conversation with them, one in which their focus would be only the insistence of their own honorable intent plus all the ways I was asking for it. I must get on with this day and envision more wholesome things. The past week left me doubting some things I know to be true. I needed to sift out my truths, here, in order that I may enter into a new week and not a continuation of all of the weeks that came before.

Luhyuh!

Much Love,
Magda Gee

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