Repair or Repeat

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I did not experience a childhood rooted in kindness and helpfulness. And for those who might argue that I did, I suspect they think that to be kind and helpful, you must please or at least seek to please those who claim to be in charge. Recovery allows me to provide a different environment and example for my children and yet I notice how quick they are to retaliate against displeasure or irritation. Is this a naturally immature behavior that some people never outgrow or is it a learned behavior that must be tamed. Either way, I find it concerning, especially for my hsp child who is easily overwhelmed and disturbed by sensory stimulus which diminishes his tolerance for emotional stress and makes him more likely to snap when he cannot escape. We continue to discuss safe ways and times to remove ourselves and accept that sometimes it is not possible and in those times —we must work hard to practice acceptance for the things we can neither escape nor change. So hard! Recovery has taught me to recognize and honor truths and parts of myself that were inconvenient and difficult to understand for the naturally insensitive. I now love being alone and having space. But because banishment and silent treatment were commonly used in response to displeasure, I was afraid to be alone because it meant that not only did everyone hate me but everyone could visibly observe how hated I was, rightfully so, of course. If only I had been more pleasing. #hsp #punishment #reactions #retalliation #bully #repairorrepeat

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Much Love,
Magda Gee

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