“Any time a small child gets labeled and referred to by a parent as too much or bad, that child/baby is actually being handed the job of covering for a parent with a fragile ego.” Reading those words today allowed me to breathe just a little more deeply. I feel the truth of this in my marrow.
I cringe now to recall my mother and sister ranting to me of how when my cousin, the most spirtually and emotionally grounded one in our family, had her first child– he was highly sensitive -requiring a lot of comfort and help with resting and self soothing. Because this cousin does not suffer from fragility, she and her husband went to great lengths to support him, rather than judging and resenting him, casting him out.
Both my mother and sister were stunned by the unearned grace and careful nurturing this “outrageous” baby received. They literally never spared a detail regarding how impossible this baby was. When another cousin brought two highly sensitive children into the world- the level of disgust and judgment for these two children (labelled terrors- exact word- : “terrors”) for requiring so much of their mother, defies articulation. I literally assumed they were monsters, until meeting them for the first time, a few years ago.
The eagerness to detail issues and struggles of our family members felt dirty, gossipy and judgy. And, sadly, I felt grateful to be on the recieving end of tales of defectiveness of others. I do believe my lack of interest and agreement was agitating to them and further solidified the division and differences between us. Seems they were always fighting for a binary status system of good or bad and personally designating where people stood, according to their shared need to perceive themselves as good, right, better, and in charge.
Must post later regarding plans for Christmas Eve with Bestie and Family, followed by a trip to the mountains with a new special friend. ♡ Merry Christmas to everyone, even the a-holes.Much Love,
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