House of Cards

My friend, my hero, my badass partner in recovery has shared how her sister was collectively, not only abused, but also blamed for bringing it on herself by being so difficult—by being who she was, wrong at a cellular level.  What my friend learned quite young; “If I want people to be kind to me and to be okay, I must be and do the opposite of my sister.”

My sister gained similar traction off my intense reactions and feelings, my sensitivity, and fierce need to express myself at all costs. I have now learned  to manage myself in ways that are more protective, particularly with those who choose shaming and blaming as a means to elevate and themselves and forge bonds.  Over re-acting to even the most foul advances cost me everything.

I think my sister panicked when I returned after 25 years, to help with my mother, now in possession of myself, my ex, my children and very firm boundaries, with the ability to resist baiting/ jumping into the ring to help her prove her rightness and betterness, with a dramatic or intense reaction.  If pushing off of those parts of who I was, is all she had to gain stature, I see why she feels unearthed and has become willing to say and do whatever it takes to cling to her title of ” better than me”, just by being not me.   Because, now, I am doing well, in spite of initiatives, that years ago would have made me crumble—after over reacting and getting judged and dismissed.

I think her fixation with my ex-husband, at my boys’ and my mother’s expense is the best she can do– and absolute proof only of her own sense of unworthiness. My sister has done the unthinkable to me and gotten away with it.  Again.  What if….just what if now, as a sane person, without drama shared the truth…of who she is and what she likes.  What then?  My recovery buddy also shared that similar things happened in her home.  Sharing is badass healing and 100% freeing.  I feel sadness for those who never get to experience  the magic of that sort of connection to God, themselves, and others.  They continue suffering and hurting others until they learn a better way.