Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.
Musings

Go Where The Love Is

  Easy Love is the good feeling that happens when something or someone pleases us.  BadAss Love is a commitment, a promise.   Love is kind.  Love wants the best for us without condition.  For some of us, love takes practice and requires a model or a program. Much Love, Magda Gee For shorter, more frequent and …

Musings

Inside Jokes and Situational Nicknames

Needy as shit this week, I have been relentless- calling Sweet Greg or peppering him with texts with a word or reference to something hysterically funny, to only the two of us. While it is for amusement,  I do this for assurance…subtextually asking,”were you really there?  did this really happen?  are we connected?”  Consistently, he blows my …

Musings

Get Back Up! (again)

This position is uncomfortable and I prefer the other view. Deep Breath. I will get myself up- do the next right thing.  Dogs to groomer, serve my boss,  be present for the joy of preparing for my older son’s birthday party.  It would be much easier to lay here indulging fantasy and regret. If I spend one minute thinking of those …

Musings

Holiday Performances-Broken Enough to Feel, Foolish Enough to Share

      Feeling concerned for the fallout of  saying NO to the gracious awkward invitation to sit at the table with people who cast me out harshly and publicly and then demand request my appearance, I began researching how to proceed—even with my unfortunate and evil ways, of course.  See, I am called to continually get over hurtful and …

Acceptance, Faith, Musings, Self-Love

Silence- Not Equal to Peace and Grace

    Silence can indeed be a form of grace and peace.  However, when it is the requirement or expectation by one party for another to be silent, it is oppressive and bullying.  When communication and acknowledgment are withheld, that is passive aggressive, coward bullshit  unwholesome and unloving. For those with pinched smiles and silent nods striving for a Pollyanna vibe, it is …

Musings

Today is Difficult

I have received information- more of the sort which I feel unable  to accept or change.  I feel knocked down.  With two little guys that count on me to get back up,  I do.  Maybe one day, I will do it for myself.  For today, I do it for them.  I acknowledge difficult times and feeeeeling defeated– AND I …