Author: Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am new to the experiences of faith and hope and courage, qualities absent for me in proximity to my family. No Contact has been the way to keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.
Faith, Musings

Faithful Living in 2017- Day 3

Day 3 of praying morning and night—Prayyyyying like crazy for help to elevate my thinking and my faith and giving thanks for what is. So far– three progressively much better days! Fitness, Job Opps, Domestic Order, and QT with my bestie, all of which felt impossible while existing primarily to get through a day.  Now, having the birthday/family/holiday season in the rearview …

Musings

A New Day-New Strengths

Mary Karr— 100% Badass- courageously voicing what most dare not admit and rather not hear. Enjoying her narration of her memoir, Lit. Feeling giddy and motivated by her first, angry, tight lipped prayer: “Higher Power-where the fuck have you been?”…    “How dare I?  Finally,  showing up with machine gunfire on my ass. What business do I have praying and asking?  I am thin, …

Acceptance, Faith, Intimacy, Musings, Self-Love

2017 Best Practices for Self-Love

While grubbing Greg’s tasty taco/nacho  “NYE dinner” – for no good reason, I clicked an email notification from my mother, a generous re-offering that I “get over it and we can be a family”.  I am over it, just intentionally unavailable for more.  Why isn’t it, instead, my older sister’s task to stop saying and doing harmful and divisive things OR to …

Acceptance, Faith, Intimacy, Musings, Self-Love

I Choose to Share, Heal, Expand-I Write the Ending

When a person touches us and it feels wrong, IT IS.  100% unacceptable– to be touched in ways that feel yucky, unwanted, unwholesome.  IT happening, is the beginning.  After the moment passes, the wreckage persists- governing all that will follow. My downward spiral continued until…. I realized I could no longer continue suffering, struggling, thinking, fearing as I had for decades.  The Gift Of Desperation— 100% clarity– IT(the residual insanity) shall no longer be …

Acceptance, Faith, Intimacy, Musings, Self-Love

Letter to Mom

Dear Mom, I have confidence that you will find countless, possibly un or subconscious ways to reject me, put me in my place before you are finished with me.  I find your support of my sister’s abuse from my earliest memories to be unforgivable.  You want peace, maybe a single effort or word, authentically suggestive of healing would be a …

Musings

Letter To Self

December 26,2016 Dear Self, Re: the Matter of Your Female Progenitor and Sibling: Enjoy the esteem of knowing, you have shown up and have given more than most can understand. You stayed. You refused the urge to retaliate and to run from what is. You stood, upright(mostly) with open arms and hands, asking begging “What can we do …