Absolute Authenticity Has Its Price

self-loveMy commitment to living, loving, serving, and feeling with my whole heart is separating me from historical relations which require that I stay on script and come on cue.  It feels as though it I am consistently admonished:  “Fuck you for going off script! Who do you think you are?”  Those words not spoken, but the message is clear.

I may not fully yet know who I am.  But I do know—that I am worthy of love and kindness, which prevents me from staying on the script.  #Sorrynotsorry.

I will take my cues from and keep close to the courageous, humble, and vulnerable.  For only theirs are opinions to be considered.   Owning without apology,  all of who they are, holding an expectation that I do the same.  This is not for everyone….but definitely the badAsses.  Wholesome BadAsses-thriving together in expansion; mine, yours–contraction will. not. do.

 

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

BadAss Lil Warrior

2015425My mother after her 6th chemo treatment. I think she looks like a beautiful courageous warrior.   When I see women in scarves or head covers. I want to bow to them.   Total badasses. Not pretending or hiding or flaunting. Just living and fighting the good fight.

Will you look at her!!!! amazing. I love love love this pic. The vulnerability and courage are breathtaking. I told her I loved her skull. That it was so perfectly formed and that mine would look like a softening and over ripened peach… I don’t love the cancer or that she has to be bald. But I do love her skull and her spirit and this picture, this moment where she let me try different head covers on her and even smiled for her picture. My mother now thinks I am more peculiar than ever for loving her skull and saying so without apology. I wanted to smooch it…badly– and pet it. I am her baby bunny and she will always be my mama squirrel.

Each, perfect and lovely. Both rock…just not usually together.  For too long I accepted my role as broken squirrel when I was not condemning her as evil bunny.

I love you, Mom.

Addendum 11.17.16  Only, I will no longer  abandon my well being to prove it.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

GOD’s Grace

In 2010, my now ex-husband left our home per court direction. But, only after intentionally draining us/me financially. Today, five years into my spiritual recovery, the two of us are collaborating to relocate our family cross-country, together (into separate homes, of course). We still differ fundamentally — at cellular levels…. And i now see this, not as a problem, but a fact.

Spiritual direction allows me the choice to respond maturely, at times with grace, to differences & disturbances. With the good orderly direction of my program, i choose more wholesome behavior for myself, allowing me to transcend the pain of my old ways. Before, my reactions (and initiatives) were more bad and more assy, than wholesome or badass. Continue reading “GOD’s Grace”

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Love is the Answer

I need not worry about what to say or do.
I just need to love.
Love (the verb) is the answer.  Always.
Love does not require abandoning my truth.

This does not mean all will be pleased.  And another’s displeasure is not proof of harm.

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

Different Kinds of Love

Two of my post divorce relationship exes are currently on my radar. I cared deeply for each of these men. Both relationships unfolded in similar ways.

It has been the story of my life to tether myself to people who simultaneously with one hand motion me to come closer and with the other, motion for me to stop or back up.

Today,  an inbound stream of sweet texts  tempted me to engage. I resisted. Until….he said

“i miss you like crazy”.

I paused….and with total love in my heart was able to respond:

“I miss you too, but I do not miss confusion”.

What a miracle. It felt clean, wholesome, loving, & honest….even a little badass….so much better than telling him about himself.  I am surrendering my job as giver of enlightenment.

We all just get to be who we are. And be honest about what works. Right?

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/

What We Model for Our Children…

“In the midst of divorce, now, more than ever, my children look to me. They look to me to see how merciful and generous I am in good times. They look to me to see how strong and faithful I am in bad times. They watch, they listen, and they model. Years from now I want my children to remember a childhood lived well, with a mother who was loving, consistent, devoted, funny, disciplined, playful, and totally present and emotionally available. ”

By: Kristin Armstrong: A Work in Progress

Absolute authenticity…Absolute WBA

Addendum 11/17/16-On a rather unfortunate note:  my sister perseveres in her relationship with my ex-husband which has resulted in tension for us as co-parents. This has also divided extended family as she seeks support for her cause.  She is a perfectionist who may be crushed to one day find that she might see from her daughters what she has modeled  for them(unless they know it is bullshit).  Pretty sure this breaks every girl and family code across all cultures.

It is a miracle that I do not tell her about herself.  In doing so I would only compromise myself.  And yet I fantasize daily of telling her.  That would be more assy and unwholesome than I care to be.  Plus, I think she knows.

 

Much Love,
Magda Gee

For shorter, more frequent and fun posts, connect with me on Instagram by clicking the pic- Wholesomebadass. https://www.instagram.com/wholesomebadass/