Sorry Not Sorry

Recovery has given me back to myself.  Trying to grow up among people grimly determined to erase me or have me be small and to show only certain parts of myself– on demand, was the ultimate identity theft.  As I learn better, I do better.  I am surely and infinitely sorry and amending damage I have done.

But I am not sorry for my existence and will not flex or deny my boundaries for those whose desire is to righteously diminish me, in the presence of my young sons, while creating tension between their father and me.  I am sorry  for them, and for my sons, that this is truly the best they can do and that– it is not nearly good enough or wholesome enough to be imposed on my children.  They are not here to pay the imposed debt of my existence and failure to manage appearances and resilience to treatment that would make most people physically and/or mentally ill.  Today, I re-commit to expansion–unapologetically.  In my FOO, they have not yet made the distinction between being displeasing and being downright damaging.  I own that I am displeasing and that it has never been my job to please.  It is not what I am here for.  At all.  I am here to serve, to love, to be honest, to parent my children and love my partner fiercely and with loyalty.  Thank you, Sweet Greg for being my courageous companion in expansion.  xo