Read more about the article When Rightness Trumps Repair: Patterns in Diifficult Relationships
Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling—behaviors that quietly sabotage relationships.

When Rightness Trumps Repair: Patterns in Diifficult Relationships

I’m getting closer to being able to name and understand this pattern after friction or  rupture in relationships with people heavily invested in their rightness and entitlement, and equally invested…

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Read more about the article How to Alienate Others and Die Alone
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” — James Baldwin

How to Alienate Others and Die Alone

How to Alienate Others and Die Completely Alone A Working Draft Introduction I used to believe relationships failed because of misunderstanding. This is my attempt to document how I learned…

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Read more about the article The Emotional Person Is Always the Problem
The sandard proof can depend on who is being asked.

The Emotional Person Is Always the Problem

I am a survivor studying the wreckage, noticing a pattern.When a person is being harmed, a mountain of tidy evidence is demanded—transcripts, videotapes, witnesses, perfectly composed testimony—and even then, it…

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Read more about the article When Nothing Happens but Everything Hurts: Living With a Nervous System on High Alert
In some families, preserving the system can mean discrediting the person who points out harm. The scapegoat’s experience is often dismissed to maintain control and avoid accountability.

When Nothing Happens but Everything Hurts: Living With a Nervous System on High Alert

An Ordinary Moment, a Trauma Response My lived experience offered no assurance that I—or anything—would be okay. At a subconscious level, I suspected I might have less trouble if I…

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