Love Bombing, Idealization & Intermittent Reinforcement

What I thought was intimacy, compatibility, and chemistry sometimes turned out to be intensity. Being made to feel unusually seen, wanted, and chosen could pull me in quickly, and the shifts between closeness and distance could leave me trying to understand what had changed and wanting the earlier version back.

Read more about the article The Logic of Familiarity
A prayer for openness, alignment, and a new way forward.
Love Bombing, Idealization & Intermittent Reinforcement

The Logic of Familiarity

Looking back, I notice how often I gravitated toward people who couldn’t tolerate my pain but expected the world to organize itself around their pleasure. When they were uncomfortable, everyone rushed to soothe them. What’s especially painful is this: humanity was withdrawn from me when I was small and needed it most. There was a kind of protected harm at work. Each time I struggled, my sister’s standing rose, and my mother's case against me grew. Anyone could see how…

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February 7, 2026
Read more about the article The Season of Losing What I Thought I Needed
For anyone who has ever mistaken being pursued for being valued — you weren’t chosen. You were targeted. I wish I had known this sooner.
Love Bombing, Idealization & Intermittent Reinforcement

The Season of Losing What I Thought I Needed

Loving the Hologram: A Season of Letting Go This season—honestly, my entire life—has been one of loss and unraveling. And I feel self‑conscious about that, because in a world low on emotional intelligence, it’s easy for people to see a woman breaking under multiple pressures and say, “There she goes again—claiming pain, can’t handle life.” I can hear the judgments before they’re spoken. I wish I could say no one judges me harder than I do, but I’m pretty sure…

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November 19, 2025
Read more about the article The Pain from the Pain
When pain hits and no one is there to hold you—living with chronic pain, anxiety, and the weight of being unsupported.
Love Bombing, Idealization & Intermittent Reinforcement

The Pain from the Pain

Today, my back hurts—badly. But the pain itself is only the beginning. Almost immediately, I feel panic. That’s my second skin, my automatic response to discomfort: fear. Not just fear of the pain, but fear of what it will cost me. I’ve learned that being unwell, having needs, or showing any kind of struggle leads to consequences—judgment, abandonment, rejection. So I don’t just have the pain. I have the terror of what the pain means about me, about my safety,…

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May 1, 2025
Read more about the article Serves Her Right
Love Bombing, Idealization & Intermittent Reinforcement

Serves Her Right

In the family system/code that believes and says, "Serves you right," my boys seem to have been programmed to interpret my chaos, struggle, difficulty, and misfortune as proof of my badness. Instead of an instinct to comfort me or offer love and support, their reaction is more like: "Yep, that tracks. Makes sense. Serves her right. When will she learn? This is why they/we must treat her this way." She has clearly forfeited her right to express needs, limits, preferences,…

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April 22, 2025