The patterns I still carry, the ways old experiences can show up in the present, and my effort to sort out what I am remembering from what is actually happening now. Recovery, pattern recognition, regulation, and slowly gathering new evidence.
A silly magnet from my BFF, while she cannot relate, she totally gets me. x
I wonder if there’s a medication and also a dose high enough that could help me have felt less affected by the CVS cashier. He wasn’t just ringing me up; he was theatrically overperforming the role of one who works a cash register—projecting his voice as if addressing an auditorium, while tossing a ball high in the air from one hand to the other. As sensory overload set in, I felt trapped. He stretched our interaction longer than needed, demanding…
I’ve shared before about the mantra I use to punish myself: “Winners keep winning, and losers keep losing.” Lately, life has felt like an uphill climb, made harder by a tangled mess of medications. With my memory and focus already a struggle, this recent medical event made it worse than I could have imagined. So when this happened, it felt like a win. I baked banana bread for the boyfriend who doesn’t choose me, and also for the one who…
This works great for non-optional dynamics. But when it is hurting your children, not so much. For rando irritants and disruptors, this is the only way to go.
I didn’t expect to hear from my ex-husband on Valentine’s Day, especially after years of no contact. When his call came through, I assumed it was urgent—something about our sons. Given our history, I expected it to be disturbing, so I let him know I was on my way into a medical procedure and wouldn’t be able to talk until after the weekend. When Monday came around, I texted, explaining I was managing chronic pain and that it would be…
When hunger has ravaged you, you’ll consume glass, whisper thanks, and await the next hunger’s call with trembling heart.
