For the first time in almost 2 years, I am able to mentally settle down enough to look through and work in my altered books. My soulmate-best friend, who came to me late in life and at exactly the right time, is an art therapist. For yeeeears, she ♥harassed ♥me to craft with her and I REFUUUUUUSED- unwilling AND uncertain that I could produce anything enjoyable or respectable. My first surrender to her art torture was a collage. I actually created a vision board(which feels queer for me to even say) and in the hours and days of harvesting suitable images, I discovered what was important to me, about me. I fell in love with the process. With anything I “create”, I tend to be critical and ambivalent about my finished work.(Previously learned, self-limiting attitudes I am now unlearning) When I look at anything drawn, colored, painted, copied, pasted, or even cooked by me, I can see the white knuckles and the fear all over it, my intensity– and that WAS painful to acknowledge. I do not love being intense…but now I own it and enjoy closeness with those who appreciate it and distance from those who judge. It is how and who I am. In-tense!
Well now,one of my favorite things is crafting with my buddy when I go back to CA. Sitting quietly and doing our own things with little, lots, or no conversation is heaven. We have similar feeding and sensory needs, which is a godsend. My boys now enjoy working on their own altered books which is an especially cool connection that I could’ve never imagined. S2 likes finding images of guns or Pokemon and copying them as I do, first in pencil, into his book. S1 likes to print things from the internet or cut images from magazines for his altered book. Since I work for a publisher, we use old text books. If you decide to try it, make sure you choose a book with non-glossy pages.
Part of my healing is finding meaningful text in random places and re-creating an image of something pleasing and copy-able onto it. Drawing on a blank page feels scary and overwhelming for me. But, drawing over of text and imitating the image, working from upside down perspective, line by line allows me to express myself creatively without having any artistic talent or spatial abilities. Try it. I do not draw anything original from my head. I find images with lines and shapes that are doable and soothing. Beautiful, peaceful, pleasing hours pass easily as I work to get each line, curve, angle as it needs to be- until I have re-created the entire image Here are some of my early originals. I am very proud of the girl and the cupcake! I hope to have something new to share soon. Oh–And I love having all my drawings in one place, not in stacks or boxes or binders. I rip out any that are too disappointing to keep or make fun of. Thanks for stopping by.
