Author: Magda Gee

This author has written 494 articles
Read more about the article Beyond Conflict: Identifying the Patterns of Coercive Control in Family Dynamics
Abuse is often framed as a 'loss of control,' but true loss of control doesn't have an audience. If someone is only abusive when there are no witnesses, they aren't losing control—they are exercising it. This selectivity is the clearest evidence that the behavior is a choice, not a mistake.

Beyond Conflict: Identifying the Patterns of Coercive Control in Family Dynamics

Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behavior used to dominate another person and strip away their sense of autonomy. It is not defined by a single violent event, but by…

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Read more about the article When “What Are You So Angry/Upset About?” Isn’t Actually Concern
Visible distress is treated as a failure of character. Composure is mistaken for truth, credibility, and strength.

When “What Are You So Angry/Upset About?” Isn’t Actually Concern

I’m finally recognizing how validity gets measured not necessarily by the truth of what’s said, but by the composure of the person saying it. My sister recognized this dynamic early…

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Read more about the article Scapegoating and the Cost of Speaking Up
A closed door with light visible underneath, representing survival, witness, and the refusal to disappear inside systems that demand silence.

Scapegoating and the Cost of Speaking Up

The Truth That Cannot Be Erased For over a decade, this space has been my witness. For a multitude of reasons, outside of what has been designated as my willfullness…

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Read more about the article Dissent and Discipline: Understanding Family Dynamics
“If you’re not at the table, you’re probably on the menu.” Recognizing patterns of exclusion, scapegoating, and manipulation in families and groups helps illuminate how power imbalances and binary thinking target those who speak up or stand apart.

Dissent and Discipline: Understanding Family Dynamics

The Binary World I Grew Up In In my family, things weren’t simply liked or disliked—they were either the best or the worst. No middle ground, no “not for me.”…

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Read more about the article Trauma Bond: Addiction to the Abuser 
Trauma bonding can make leaving feel terrifying—but leaving also frees you from gaslighting, sleepless nights, blame, and constant anxiety.

Trauma Bond: Addiction to the Abuser 

Across my closest relationships—mother, sister, husband, children—harm was never something to repair. It wasn’t acknowledged as harm at all, but reframed as my perception, my fault, my failure. Peace was…

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Read more about the article The Quiet Logic of Exile
False narratives often say more about what someone is protecting than about the person being described.

The Quiet Logic of Exile

In connecting with other survivors of similar dynamics, I’m recognizing a pattern that seems less personal and more structural. In families and systems which rely on scapegoating, it’s apparently simpler…

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Read more about the article When the Story Writes Itself
Familiarity can feel like belonging — even when it’s built on neglect, imbalance, or silence. Recognizing that difference has been part of my healing.

When the Story Writes Itself

I can’t deny how “clean” and persuasive the narrative against me can look. That’s what happens when people of similar energetic makeup benefit from the same imbalance — the same…

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Read more about the article If X, Then Y: The Game Beneath the Board
Sometimes the smallest piece bears the greatest weight. What you see above the board is rarely the whole game.

If X, Then Y: The Game Beneath the Board

I continue noticing how this pattern shows up at every scale. We’re taught to admire extreme wealth as proof of virtue — intelligence, discipline, superiority, deservingness. The story goes: They…

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Read more about the article The Binary: Invisible or a Spectacle
How harm can wear a friendly face. The contrast between public presentation and private impact is often where confusion—and self-doubt—takes root.

The Binary: Invisible or a Spectacle

Post-therapy processing. I keep noticing a painful pattern. When I speak directly—calmly, clearly, logically—it’s often received as aggression. Meanwhile, dishonesty softened with politeness, or harm delivered with a smile, is…

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Read more about the article When Rightness Trumps Repair: Patterns in Diifficult Relationships
Gottman’s Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling—behaviors that quietly sabotage relationships.

When Rightness Trumps Repair: Patterns in Diifficult Relationships

I’m getting closer to being able to name and understand this pattern after friction or  rupture in relationships with people heavily invested in their rightness and entitlement, and equally invested…

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