Somewhere along the way, I learned to convert what other people believed, said, or did into information about me rather than data about them.

And the new learning may be: I can register other’s behavior as data. I can be deeply hurt by it. I can acknowledge what it means for the relationship. But I do not have to convert it into a verdict about myself.

For a long time, I accepted the premise that other people’s hurtful behavior was somehow evidence of what was wrong with me.

In its crudest form: they were only being assholes because I was such an awful bitch.

I fully reject that now.

I am enjoying a sense of self-esteem and dignity around my consistent attempts to engage in good faith, even where I did not experience the same in return.

And still, I created repeated opportunities for course correction and repair—for people to respond responsibly, nobly, and peacefully.

Whether they did or did not — is information about them.

Were you ever told to read someone else’s behavior as information about you?