we who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting
as a group
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
frustration
discontent and
torture
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift
your analyst is
in on it
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us
in announcing our
association
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves
but since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make
unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your
disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective
I fucken Knew it! hahaaha
-the gifts of the mentally ill and addicted family–they never stop giving
OMG—this is fantastic. Who is Phillip Lopate? What a badass. Thank you for sharing. He is right up there with DFW-heroic for saying the unsayable. Fearless. Badass. I relate to so much of what you share but lack the wisdom to share anything meaningful…but I love you posts and I share them with others “who get it”
S-I have a program buddy in Northern California who was either friends of his family or one of his students. Anyway, she shared it with me. Love love love it!
Magda Gee
My adorable sweetheart! You must collect some of these more awesomely insane entries and publish them in a book. I have very seldom been so entertained and horrified simultaneously as reading this — We Who Are Your Closest Friends. It is particularly perfect because while appearing quite outrageous, outrageous without mitigation, it is even worse than that because there is that vein of venom running through it so thinly that it is easily missed. And when someone catches it and asks, quavering, “Was that just a tiny vein of venom passing through there?” anyone is justified in saying, “No. I don’t know where you got that idea. In fact, it signifies something that you WOULD.”
Then the group of them would share secret smiles, one or two going so far as to hide behind a couple of fingers over the lips.
Don’t take it at all seriously. They mean it, they really do, but they are too crass to pull it off. Show them that you can be as sly and subtle as any of them. Don’t let them see that you see until you have decided what is worth more to you – to be your own woman or to include one or more of them in your circle. In that case, you will have to trust that one person enough to let them know that you have been noticing certain things, and they have the choice to come with you or to stay with the group. Steel yourself to say, “I hope you will choose to come with me, but if you don’t, well, I won’t be burdened by someone who has un-whole-some motives. So you decide. I give you the count of five, because you have already decided, you know you have.”
This is why I am not a writer. I cannot make endings. What will your chosen one say? Will they choose you without a blink, or will they try to shine you on indefinitely? You will end up like I in my second marriage, another word for HELL. I believed that Ray wanted my best interests, more fool I.
On the other hand, we can always choose to stop taking ourselves so seriously, which is now my choice, but I’m really old, 77 now, and don’t have to shelter little ones or even seemingly innocent big ones.
I am, of course, afraid of losing everything, especially losing God. God pampers me, answers prayer, is really my personal Higher Power, but will s/he stick by me?
Stay tuned.
Gigi/alternatively known as Ste. Jeanne d’Arc
Gigi-
Thank you for vining with me. I knew I could count on you to pick up on the thing, that unspeakable thing. The thing that breaks code to mention or acknowledge. That vein of venom(the main artery for some-not saying names, cuz that is how I roll-hahaha). Can you imagine getting to chat with the man who wrote this, what a mind, what a badass thinker and code breaker. Brilliant, fearless. Hero. so similar to you. You are 100% a writer. Please keep writing to me here and in my emails. I gobble every word like a greedy lil pacman. What is so special about you is your willingness and ability to embrace both the darkness and the light without judging or fearing. You are one badass motherfukker and clearly wholesome. Always!
Big Love,
Magda Gee