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Historical Revisionist–Future Revisionist

In my family of origin (FOO) it is necessary to label and dismiss anyone who recalls or processes things differently, as a #historicalrevisionist , particularly if the recollection is less favorable or easy than they can manage. Being told collectively that I was not a good narrator of my own experience effed me up. Seriously, whether I was hot, sad, hungry, scared, the validity of my claims was challenged. So, imagine as a child reporting upsets or emotionally and physically painful encounters to those who cant even tolerate a differing basic sensory reality or personal truth. Perhaps we are all historical revisionists, and by breaking the cycle and contact with my #FOO, I am now officially a Future Revisionist. I will not willingly raise my sons in this culture and climate of confusion and fear. I have not been the only one handled in this way.  What separates me, is the manner in which I experienced and reacted (failure to tolerate) to having my reality invalidated,judged, and/or punished. The #narcissistsprayer has allowed me to see the pattern which I could either continue or depart from.  Growing up with only sick people as a beacon or guide to know what was good and true did not go well for me.  The road ahead is long and so much better than the one behind me.  Maybe one day, interest in checking the rearview mirror will be as diminished as I have been by this dynamic.  

A Narcissist’s Prayer
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did…
You deserved it.

I am feeling very in sync with badass Danielle Laporte today.  Here is a link to the post I just received via email.  Check it out!

The Courageous Minority vs. the road to mediocrity

(which is always really…safe.)

Published by Magda Gee

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part-- to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.

2 Replies to “Historical Revisionist–Future Revisionist”

  1. AMEN (as your sister likes to say-will that ever not be a joke?) Thank you for this. Yes. Yes. This. So much this. I am a Future Revisionist and it is labelled as the root of our family dysfunction, my refusal to continue the legacy of this thinking and behavior “confusion and chaos and control”. It was like brainwashing. I felt crazy, sad, unworthy. Scared to stay but more scared to leave. What is there to miss, besides the optic of appearing like a family that works things out. Like you, mine don’t wish to work it out. Leaving me no choice, if I want to be healthy and whole, it will be on terms that do not suit them, This I cannot change. Thank you. big blessings to you and your boys. While they don’t seem to be “lucky”, they are fortunate to have some recovery and faith from at least one family member, an enlightened and willing witness to turn to-no matter what. Things we never had…

    BM:)

  2. Projection, thy very definition is found in the human act of proactively, reactively, selectively and intentionally lying your ass off about another. Of “dirtying up” and culmination of the other so you can stand back, secure in your sanctity (Emperor’s Clothes, actually) then pointing at the other you have so nimbly imbued with your own rot and saying, “EEEWWW!”

    But you only want to hheelllpppp!

    Yeah. OK. That’ll work.
    For you.

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