One of the most amazing aspects of life with Sweet Greg is our partnership as equals, our collaboration, working as a team, though often I attempt to be his boss, he will not allow me to strong arm him. I treasure his badass healthy boundaries; saying NO to me with grace and love–even when forced to say so, repeatedly.
Sweet Greg does not become mean or passive aggressive. I marvel and fawn each time. After four years it still holds its magic and seems possibly a little perverse how I adore him when he is saying no to me. It makes me feel safe. He says things like: No, Please don’t. I would rather not. I don’t like that. Please stop. He does not say yes or maybe when he means no. And he does not ignore or stonewall, hoping I will take a hint—because A) I won’t. And B) that is dishonest and shitty. When he uses sarcasm, it is funny for everyone – not diminishing. Sweet Greg is direct and loving, unfailingly so.
Together we work, sharing ideas and projects—not just meals, bills, unwanted sex, and responsibilities(as in my marriage). For me, working together is the hottest foreplay of all. Laughing, damage control, and trouble shooting from different angles—nothing makes me feel as close. Greg and I have totally different processes–and it is not a problem–except when his is wrong. Hahahaha.
My ex requested something of me this weekend. I needed to say no because it was not in the best interest of our sons. I wanted to explain why and typed out a few sentences before realizing, he is not interested in my thoughts, only my compliance and I felt a little assholey just saying: “No, not at this time”.
He is buying (not adopting or rescuing) a puppy knowing that the puppy (a baby dog) will be left alone 5 days a week for 10 hours/day. This to me, is as unsurprising as it is disturbing. Puppies, from what I understand should be alone for no more than 1 hour at a time for each month of their age.
Our sons suggested to him, to get two, so they don’t get lonely. He told them NO– he will not get two because then they will rely on each other and not just him. WTF? His most recent request to me: That our older son stay there at his house, all of the week days(by himself) so the puppy won’t be alone… So– split up our sons during the week – leaving each of our boys isolated. BUT–Since the Covid quarantine, our sons have begun to work and play together—as equals. I would like for this to continue, if only when they are here, since this is not a shared value.
If the boys’ father(or my sister) ever shows signs of treating me as equal or worthy of kindness, I would be happy to work together, to help– because I am home all of the days and the boys would love a dog over there too. The unrecovered part of me must resist the temptation to offer— thinking: cuz then maybe he would be nice-ish for a while, but f**k that- I now know better than to hustle for the possibility of kindness.
