Writing about what happens when family relationships are pulled apart by loyalty, influence, distance, silence, and competing narratives. The grief of loving people who are still alive, the confusion of being shut out, and the reality of trying to live inside a relationship you no longer get to participate in.
What if the absence of care was never proof of unworthiness?
Needs That Didn’t Fit When I was young, I experienced needs, feelings, fears, and sensitivities that did not seem to be commonly shared, openly discussed, or well supported. I seemed to be more affected by things than many of the people around me. I had reactions, worries, questions, and needs that did not appear to have a place within the common experience. I did not question the environment. I questioned myself. When Feelings Became Dangerous What I recall vividly is…
After my friend in the mountains directed me, in a moment of distress, to "relax", I was able to calmly request the following without any blowback or negative consequences: "Hey, next time you think of suggesting I take a breath and relax, will you please consider instead saying": "what do you need or what can I do to make it better?" And he gladly does!!! What a miracle. Asking for what I need from the right people is another fruit…
"A whole family is one in which each member can bring her full self to the table knowing that she will always be both held and free." by Glennon Doyle Having just returned from another week in the mountains with my new special friend, I am stunned again by my ability to spend 24/7 with another human him for days at a time-- and enjoy it. The hardest part... saying goodbye. Fortunately, our next visit is 7 days away. Together, we…
It was happy, fun, funny, yummy, cozy. Each and all of us were both free and held. Diametrically opposed to my previous tradition of: untethered and trapped. Anticipation leading up to "special days" is difficult for me. And I cannot help but marvel over each special day, in which I experience sustained and sustainable loving connection, peace, and JOY. I am capable. I am worthy. I did it. I do it. Together, with people who love me---one holiday at a…
