Wholesome Badass

A Work in Progress — Healing from All the Things​

Ordinary Failure

Black-and-white Wholesome Badass illustration of a woman kneeling in prayer with a thought bubble about making peace with unequal standards around failure.

The archetypal persona seems to move through every telling of their own life with access to explanations they do not extend to anyone else. When they prevail, it reflects strength, intelligence, resilience, discernment, character. When they do not, the result still has to preserve something essential about who they are. Win or lose, the story protects against one ordinary possibility: that they simply did not have what the moment called for, or failed to handle it superbly.

I continue, almost obsessively, returning to these archetypes, patterns, and systems because I am trying to identify the structure beneath them, with the hope that naming the whole may eventually matter more than cataloging its parts.

Have you ever felt reduced to a flaw by someone who is never wrong, while every one of their own failures comes with a full explanation- like either the hero or the victim of circumstances, but never simply a person who dropped the ball? It is exhausting for someone like me.

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part– to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.