Wholesome Badass

A Work in Progress — Healing from All the Things​

When Victory Demands Wreckage

A minimalist graphic with white text on a solid, neutral background. The text reads: "I had no ability to cope, no language to express, and no tools to process. What I lacked in connection, I made up for in anxious behaviors. It was a costly way to exist—paying with myself just for proximity. Abandoning my role has been equally unpopular. But, it comes with a light at the end of the tunnel."⁠

The Architecture of Binary Victory

I have intentionally been studying a particular archetype whose sense of rightness often seems to depend on projecting wrongness onto someone else.

The Perceived Victimization

The archetype appears to operate under a specific system of binary beliefs: the conviction that winning and “being right” at all costs remains the ultimate proof of goodness, and that causing another to struggle is a valid tool to establish who is in the wrong. Under this framework, if someone in anyway interferes with what the archetype feels entitled to, it is experienced as a personal victimization. To restore the power imbalance, the system demands the plight of the person who deviated from the script.

The Circular Trap of Blame

Within this structure, a peaceful disagreement, ending or exit is out of the question; the archetype often requires visible social, financial, or professional struggle. Resulting pain is regarded not as a wound in need of care, but as proof of a deserving loser. The narrative becomes circular: the imposed hardship(which they rationalize as natural consequences–but natural consequences by definition are not imposed) is held up as evidence of “bad choices” and a “bad personality,” while the behaviors that contributed to the struggle are casually dismissed.

Claiming the Third Way

The fixed mindset of the archetype fights hard against a third way—a reality where someone can step away, choose peace, and quietly build a life outside of those win-loss columns.

I am in a program of recovery for those whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking, drug use, mental illness. I am newly learning faith, hope, and courage, practices not witnessed by me, in my childhood, with my family. Sadly, No Contact, as a last resort, is how I keep safe from diminishing words and actions directed at me. I think I have listened for the last time to how I deserve mistreatment. By holding out for something more wholesome and loving, I have been both banished and demanded to return. I prefer serenity to proximity. I will continue with my program and faith in the best possible outcome, so long as I do my part– to stalk GOD as if my life depends on it.