May I Remind You? Different people. Different circumstances. Continued familiar patterns. A few months ago, I said to my neighbor, “Hey, when you said X, it hurt my feelings.” Her response? “May I remind you…” followed by a list of ways she’d
The ability to engineer someone else’s downfall while appearing to have had nothing to do with it. I’m intimately familiar with calculated hostility. What I still cannot fathom is the level of executive function required to provoke someone, anticipate their
The people I relied on for protection were the same people I needed protection from. They were also the ones teaching lil baby Magda about herself, relationships, and the world. And so she gravitated toward relational patterns imprinted on her
In my family of origin, and then quite unsurprisingly in the marriage I chose, I re-enacted the familiar pattern. I accepted the charge for all discomfort—mine and everybody’s. If only I would’ve just gotten different, as was directed so very
If I can rattle your cage and then stand beside your reaction looking calm and reasonable, I can create a defining contrast: you unstable; me credible. Your distress is excellent leverage. I get to have my way with you and come out
How a Narrative Protects Predatory Behavior The Branding Becomes the Lens I am recognizing something in real time: the story about someone can matter more than what they actually say and do. When someone is characterized unfavorably by a person
Whatever is said or believed about me does not change what was said and done. I keep coming back to the possibility that the golden child can occupy the position of a protected abuser. So much of my childhood was
In 2008, I visited North Carolina for a therapy session with my mother and sister. It went poorly. Tragically. Since, we each showed up with the intent to assess only my behaviors and personality. I miscarried. And that was the