Me tooooo. Not necessarily like hashtag me too but “me also” and maybe sometimes #metoo. Since I no longer attend live face to face 12 step meetings, THIS is my meeting. What I get most from live meetings is listening to others detail feelings or encounters which for me, previously and painfully defied articulation. It is a pivotal moment, when you realize you are not terminally unique and alone with the pain and confusion that permeates every realtionship involving someone who has been affected by addiction, abuse, neglect or mental unwellness. Before recovery, as my family would have it, I thought it was just me. But, turns out it is not. It may have been me, but it was never just me…that shit began before I was even born. Scapegoating and having a black sheep relieves a group from having to acknowledge or address the sickenss of the family. It would have been preferable to not have to choose between genetic family and wellness. As the black sheep, I saw no other healthy option.
I continue reading of others who are aware and courageous enough to openly offer their Me Toos. From them, I am learning to and practicing sharing in ways intended to create connection, affirmation, of lived and shared similar experiences. I write ONLY for those needing and willing to connect in this sacred place called vulnerability. Some people insist that speaking of an awful thing is the same as speaking the thing inot existence, giving the THING power. But naming IT and speaking IT out loud, actually gives us power over THE THING.
I avoid anyone whose vibe is suggestive of “EW, not me, those things do not happen to people like me/us(the royal we)”. The EW, not me- people, are the ones who tend to kiss up and to kick down, with their condescension and desperate need to feel superior and above discomfort, awkwardness, disconnection, and struggle. If pain, awkwardness and struggle are limited to weak losers, then… just be the cause of pain and struggle in order to secure your sense that you are rightly above IT. There are people like that. Thankfully, we need not stay married or closely bound to them.
