Harmful behavior converted into evidence about someone else’s character. Blame-shifting, gaslighting, triangulation, smear campaigns, distortion, invalidation, selective accountability, and relational dynamics where reality gets outranked by narrative.
I am missing the relief from my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes cancelled in honor of the holiday weekend. What happens in there is pure magic. The energy exchange is like nothing else I know. My need to roll today- is intense. The commitment to honor and humility on those mats is something close to♥ god and religion, for someone like me. (more…)
Oh dear gawd, my mother, her mother, my aunts and my sister were the older females in my life. They treated me poorly and collectively agreed it was necessary. My grandmother was the worst…she was certain she could bully me into having a better relationship with my raging mother. She was like gas to our inferno relationship. I have never genuinely developed an appreciation for older women and suspect that is because I find them to be terrifying. I was…
My mother’s cancer, age, aging still have not served as a magic wand erasing the effects of continued harshness, which is either not “real”(imagined) or is well earned; my due. There is no where to go with this, but to God and trusted others. It has been expressed that my imagined or well earned injuries could be served well by the correct medication. I think a little kindness and accountability would do the trick. But I am no trained professional. Believing my mental health or over-sensitivity as the only issue keeps them safe from having any responsibility to reflect on their contributions. (more…)
My lil canary dog--in tune with me, sensitive, present, and faithful. Another 4 seizures/24 hours. When I engage the stress and despair of my family, he seizes. He is my barometer. The dysfunction is an unpleasant fact to be accepted. Not a problem to be solved. No solution-no problem. Deep sigh. Up, the white flag goes, surrendering to the GOMU, not to them....ever. Surrender is the most wholesome and badass thing I ever do, as long as it is to a higher…