I never tire of this reading and continue hoping that it may become a more common practice– reaching for The Third Way– in times of conflict . Doing so requires courage, humility, transparency — willingness to say and listen to difficult things and then to reflect on wounded parts of our spirits which beg to be healed and allowed to mature. To choose this way may be impossible for people who need to believe themselves right, in charge, infallible. With them, we get to grieve the relationship and move on, as the Third Way must be mutually desired an sought.

I simply can not allow my boys to believe themselves limited to only these two options for addressing a circumstance in which a person has been harmful:

1- Pretend it did not affect you or even happen.

2- Retaliate (openly or passively)

We must reject the zero-sum mentality–one winner/one loser. Winning is for games and wars, not wholesome and sustainable relationships. I intend to model and create a better experience and a different example for my sweet sons. I still sometimes do the old shit I learned before recovery, though. I am aware and working on myself.