At the terms “happy” and “friendly“, I cannot help but wince…no joke.  Parading as perpetually happy and friendly is a tool for perception management. The awkward Pollyanna posturing as easy going, free from difficult feelings, and unfortunate choices is just silly.  Happy is not a status.

Me—I am happy when I am not required to pretend to be friendly. Hahaha

I am neither social nor friendly-that is my wiring.  And I honor that– declining social engagements with even my favorite people, because I find social events to be too much for me.  I do enjoy helping people in need, when it is safe and when I am able, but it does not mean I wish to hang out after helping.  This perplexes some.  That is Okay.  Friendly and kind are totally different.  

I am direct and INtense.  While learning to temper my intensity with gentleness, there is no plan to give up being direct. No longer brutal–but totally honest–emotionally honest.  My feelings, words, and actions remain in alignment, no matter with whom I am speaking.  This brings me closer to God and Peace.  My Darling Greg is a happy dude, a master of peace and gentleness-irresistible when bothered.  The grace & ease with which he handles his discontent is divine–always with benevolence, grace, and charm.  Love you, baybee!  Greg, you are one wholesomebadass motherfukker.  AND I am blessed to have you by my side.♥

In today’s guided meditation, Gabby Bernstein says:  “Happy people don’t do harmful things.  Happy people are kind People doing harmful things are unhappy and un-well.  Let us find compassion for them.”   In true addict fashion, I have now ordered The Universe Has Your Back  on Audible and am following Gabby on Facebook, signed up for everything Gabby B., via email.   Her wisdom on being intentional about finding compassion and recognizing unhappiness as the source for regrettable behavior is what I need today.

I am not at a place in my recovery where I have forgotten those harmed by my previously less wholesome presence, before I knew better. I was deeply unhappy and without healthy coping skills. I am amending this, day by day.  I now recognize that a person’s displeasure with my choices is an unpleasant fact for them, not a problem– failure to please you does not equal being harmful.    Your discontent is not my business.  Your attacking and underhanded BS totally is!    Compassion for your misery may be prevent me from retaliating.  Compassion for myself demands safe space from you.  Compassion and kindness are not always happy and friendly but ALWAYS Badass!  Hi-yah!